


(Sweet Sweet Baby) Since You've Been Gone

by godblessthefandom (Browncoat101)



Category: Brittana - Fandom, Glee, Lesbians - Fandom, Valentine's Day - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-21 12:12:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 36,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9548507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Browncoat101/pseuds/godblessthefandom
Summary: A daily (until Valentine's Day) updated work! "It’s been one year since Brittany stormed out of the door and left Santana to head to New York City. Things had been looking good for the pair with their wedding day only a few weeks away, but when Brittany got a new job in New York that would have meant a fast track for her career, Santana let fear keep her on the West Coast. On the anniversary of their engagement (and with the help of her friends Mercedes and Sugar), Santana has to put everything on the line to win Brittany back, and show her how much she’s missed her since she’s been gone."





	1. February 1, 2017

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic that will update everyday until Valentine's Day 2017. To truly enjoy please put on (Sweet Sweet Baby) Since You've Been Gone by Aretha Franklin. :P (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBqfyPVWczo)

The phone had been ringing for about 45 seconds before Santana managed to untangle herself from the blanket, dig under one pillow (wrong one), another (another wrong one), and then finally flip herself upside down and slide a hand under a bed. It stopped ringing and she pulled it blurrily up to her face. 

“Goddamit.”

‘One Missed Call’ flashed harshly back at her. Of course, she should have been up. It was almost ten. But her job kept her up late most nights, and she’d gotten used to sleeping in, even on her days off. The call looked like it was from Mercedes, and she wondered what her friend would have to tell her in the middle of the day. She rubbed a hand through her thick, dark hair. Mercedes had only been back in the States a couple of months, but they wanted her for a production of Dreamgirls. She’d killed it in the West End for the past year, and now investors were scrambling to get some of her talent across the pond. She smiled thinking about Mercedes. She was so proud of her. In the meantime, the rehearsals had been running her friend ragged. She barely had time to chat as opening night got closer, but Santana had understood. She was about to call Mercedes back when the phone began ringing in her hand. She nearly dropped it again, before getting her bearing, and pressing Accept. 

“‘Cedes!” She cleared her throat to get rid of some of the froginess and tried again. “Mercedes, what’s going on, girl? How are rehearsals?”

“Hey Santana, sorry to wake you up.”

There was a note in Mercedes’ voice that concerned Santana a bit, but she brushed the feeling off and went on. 

“Yeah, no worries, it was about time I got up anyway. How are things?”

“Um, yeah, things are good here, busy, you know.”

“Yeah.” Santana frowned. This was certainly not the way her conversations with Mercedes usually went. She was used to an engaging, excited person on the other side, not whatever this was. 

“Mercedes-” Santana continued. “There’s something you’re not telling me, but you want to tell me. What is it?” 

There was a long pause, and Santana looked at her phone a few times to make sure that she hadn’t dropped the call. She was about to ask Mercedes if she was still there, when her friend’s voice cut through the silence, insistent yet gentle. 

“She’s seeing someone.”

The pause became a heavy quiet, and Santana nearly did drop the phone. She swallowed, and swallowed again, trying to get her voice, but she couldn’t seem to make anything come out. She didn’t have to ask for clarification. Mercedes didn’t have to say another word, she knew who the “she” was. 

It was Brittany. 

“How do you know?”

“I called her the other day, and it sounded like there was a voice in the background. I asked who it was, and she said no one, but it sounded like a guy, and it wasn’t Mike, I know that for sure. Then Sugar said Britt had to reschedule their lunch date because she was meeting someone. I don’t know if it’s casual, or she just doesn’t want us to know, but something is going on there, San, and I thought you should know from one of us before you read the wedding announcement in the paper or something.”

Mercedes seemed to be rushing through her words, and said the long speech in what seemed to be one breath. Now she paused and waited for Santana to respond. After a few moments of silence, it was Mercedes turn to be worried. 

“Santana?”

There was a small cough, and then a voice. “Yeah, yeah, I’m here. I’m, um, wow.”

“It doesn’t mean she’s  _ dating them _ , you know, just seeing them. It just means that she’s, you know-”

“Over me.”

“We don’t know that, San.” Mercedes rushed to comfort her friend. She could hear the despair in her voice. She was worried about what Santana might do. “Santana, what are you thinking?”

There was another pause, and Mercedes wasn’t sure that Santana would reply.

“I’m thinking that you were right.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, all those months ago. You begged me to call her. You told me what to do, how to make it right, but I didn’t listen.”

“But how does that help you now?” Asked Mercedes. 

“I'm coming to New York.”

“Today?” Her friend’s shock practically vibrated through the phone. 

“Well, I've gotta get rid of this apartment first, but as soon as possible.” 

“Wait…” More confusion. “You're  _ moving _ here?” 

“Well, duh. It's what she wanted all along, and I'm just mad at myself for waiting so long.” Santana was up off the bed and throwing clothes this way and that, sorting through the chaos. 

“Maybe you should spend some time thinking about it, Santana.” 

“No need. I've thought about it for too long, to be honest. I've gotta get her back, Cedes. I can't do this anymore. I love her.” 

This seemed to satisfy Mercedes. “Oook. So, where do we start?”

Santana smiled. Even in high school Mercedes had always been there for her. She was glad (and a little relieved!) to see that nothing had changed. 

“Leave that to me. I'll be in touch. See you, Mercedes. Thank you.” 

“You're welcome, Santana. Just don't do anything crazy.” 

“Oh, come on. When was the last time I did anything crazy?”

\

“This is crazy, Santana. You realize that, right?”

Kurt had shown up after Santana called him for a favor. But he'd prepared himself for some sort of fashion based emergency, not to show up at Santana’s place and find it covered in moving boxes. Then she'd dropped the bomb on him. She was moving back to New York immediately and needed him to move into her place. 

“Come on, Kurt. This is a golden opportunity for you. You keep telling me how you want to get out from under your roommate. How he's always bring guys home and you have to figure out how to make small talk with them in the kitchen the next morning.” She gestured around them. “Look at this! Embarrassment free mornings for as long as you want.” 

“I know that, Santana, and your place is fine, but, I mean, c’mon. Your landlord can't be on board with this.”

“Who, Rhonda? No, Rhonda loves me. She was practically there at the Stonewall Riots and loves her baby gays. We are tight. It'll be fine.”

“Really?” Kurt didn't sound quite convinced but he was getting there. He picked up a t-shirt that was draped over a nearby box, and rolled it into a ball, nervously. “So, what are you going to do when you get there? She's still pretty upset about the whole thing, huh?” 

Santana busied herself with a box and nodded. “Yeah. I guess- I guess I didn't try hard enough. I didn't show her she was worth it because I was too stubborn. I let her go when I should have held on with everything. I was an idiot.”

Santana might have expected some commiseration but wasn't surprised by Kurt’s response. 

“Well, duh. Britt is pretty sweet, Santana. You must have said some awful things and you were dumb not to apologize.”

“I said that, already.” Santana snapped. 

“Well, I'm just agreeing.”

“You don't have to agree so enthusiastically, then.”

Kurt put up his hands. “Fine, fine. I'm just saying. But what's the plan, I mean, you can't just show up in New York and everything will be how you want it to be.”

“You let me worry about that. So, what do you think about the apartment? Will you take it?”

Kurt stroked his chin thoughtfully. “Are you sure it's okay?”

“Scout’s honor.” Santana raised three fingers in a scout salute. 

“Santana, were you even a girl scout?” Kurt said.

“Well, no, but I made out with my fair share, so I’m sure there’s some transference.”

Kurt threw his rolled up t-shirt ball at Santana, hitting her in the face. He flinched fully expecting her to come rocketing at him, but she only pulled down the shirt, folded it, and smiled. 

“Well, you’re certainly not acting like someone who’s upsetting her life to fly across the country on a whim, Santana.”

“That’s just it, Kurt!” Santana said enthusiastically. “I don’t feel uncertain at all. I’m not worried, I’m not scared. For the past year, my stomach has been tied up in knots. I always felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff, but now, I feel like I’m finally back on solid ground.”

“Because Britt is dating someone?”

Santana’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “No, [Insulting Kurt nickname]. That’s just the catalyst that’s making me realize how much she means to me. How much it would kill me to lose her.” Her voice became softer and she gazed out the window wistfully. “A part of me was scared. I was always so scared. And this feels like, I don’t know, like the fear has just gone away. I don’t have to be scared anymore, cause I know what I have to do.”

“And what do you have to do?”

Santana seemed to think about this for a second. “I need to show her that I deserve her again. I need to show her that I’m worth it. If she sees that, if she knows…”

She trailed off. 

“Maybe you two just need to sit down and have a good long talk.”

Santana pulled an empty box out from under a stack. “Yeah, maybe. “Help me pack this place up, Kurt, or you’re never moving in.”

Kurt grumbled in protest but got up anyway, grabbing the box from Santana’s hands, and a roll of tape. “Fine. The sooner you get out of here, the sooner this place is mine. And I can move out from under Blaine the Pain.”

“That’s the spirit, Twinkle toes.”


	2. February 2, 2017

February 1, 2017

“So…”

Santana was leaning over the console of Mercedes SUV, digging through her bag in the backseat furiously. Mercedes ignored her butt waving in the air and actually slapped it as she took a turn.

“Santana, if the police see your ass waving in the air, they’re definitely going to pull us over. Sit down!”

“Aha! I found it!” Santana finally turned and sat down, holding a small notebook. “If they pull us over, it’s only going to be to get my number, ‘Cedes. Don’t worry about it. My ass brings all the ladies to the yard.”

Mercedes laughed, shaking her head. “Not everybody immediately falls in love with you, San. Trust me.”

“You’re like the only one in the Western Hemisphere, trust.”

“Oh please.”

They both laughed.

“Well, welcome to the East Coast, Santana. New York has missed you.”

“Yeah, well, I’m glad to be off that flight. I was sitting in front of one of those screaming toddlers. It was a hot mess.”

“It’s been, what? Eight years? Ever since you moved to LA. And I sure as hell couldn’t get you out here.”

Santana sighed. “Yeah, it’s been a while. I forgot how busy everything is. I’m used to waking up to sunshine and waves, you know? Not car horns and the faint smell of the harbor.”

“It does take some getting used to. But, you’ll be back in the swing in no time.”

There was a moment of silence as the question Mercedes wanted to ask hung in the air.

“So…. Brittany, huh?” Mercedes offered.

Santana held up her notebook, and opened it, flipping through the pages. “Well, I’ve got a plan.”

“Do you need a plan, Santana? Just go and talk to her. Push her up against a wall, do what you two do, and call it a day.”

“It’s not really that simple. I, um, said some stuff, Mercedes. Stuff that you can’t unsay. I don’t know if we can pick up right where we left off.”

“You never told me how it went down then. I thought you’d want to talk about it, but you never did.”

Santana looked fitfully out the window. “It was…” She paused. “It was bad. I mean, I guess a part of me was scared, and a part of me was jealous, and I dunno. She’s better than I deserve, but I want to be worthy of her.”

“San, that’s no way to think. She loves you-”

“Mercedes, it was bad, okay? Really bad.” Santana cut her off sharply. “Anyway, I have a plan. That’s what this is for.”

She held up the notebook.

“A Moleskine?” Mercedes said skeptically.

“What? No, I mean, yes, but no. I am going to wow her. Every day I’ve planned a date that’s going to knock her off her feet. Every day until Valentine’s Day. I’m going to remind her what she loved about me. And I’m starting tonight.”

“Tonight? What if she has plans, Santana? You can’t just pop in unannounced. Does Britt even know you’re in town?”

Santana waved her off. “Details, friend-o. I’m the love of her life, she can make time for me.”

“I dunno. Seems like you’re putting a lot on the line for this.”

“Duh, that’s kinda the point.” Santana patted the notebook. “Don’t worry, I’ve got it all planned out.”

“And all you’ve got now is to get her to put you on the schedule.”

“She’ll see me, Mercedes. She’ll see me.”

\

February 2, 2017

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but Dr. Pierce can’t see you now.”

Santana slammed a fist down on the desk, and cursed loudly. The young woman at the front desk was putting up a fight that she hadn’t expected. She just needed to talk to Brittany directly, and everything would be solved, but a hard headed secretary is not what she needed right now.

She took a deep breath. “Look.” She looked closely at the nameplate that was on the desk. “Jane. Look, Jane, I don’t want to be any trouble, okay?”

“It’s Ms. Hayward, and you’ve been nothing but trouble since you got in here.”

Santana ignored her. “I just happen to know for a fact that Britt- Dr. Pierce will be upset if she finds out that I came by and you didn’t let me in, okay? I happen to be a close personal friend of hers and-”

“Well, unfortunately Ms. Lopez, you’re a close personal friend without an appointment. Anyway, why not just call her and tell her you’re coming? She’s booked through the afternoon, and is not taking any drop ins. Thursday is her admin day.”

There was a finality in Jane’s voice, and Santana couldn’t help but panic a little. This was step one in her multi-step process, and it was vital that it went off without a hitch. Today was the first day of February. Fourteen days, fourteen dates. That’s how it was supposed to go down. And now this chick was ruining everything. She took another breath, and turned on her brightest smile.

“Hey, Jane- Ms. Hayward, sorry. We got off on the wrong foot. Can’t we start over?”

Jane looked at her squarely. “We can start over all we want, Ms. Lopez, but Dr. Pierce has no appointments open today. Now, if you want to come tomorrow, I think i can squeeze you in-”

“Sugar?!”

Santana had leaned far enough over the desk that a picture caught her eye. In the photo, her friend, Sugar Motta, was wrapped around Jane in an intimate embrace.

“How the hell do you know Sugar Motta?”

Jane’s eyes went wide for a moment before she regained her composure. “She’s my girlfriend, not that it’s any of your business. How do you know Sugar?”

“Uh, she’s only one of my best friends. Well, she was. It’s been a while since we talked. I kind of lost her when Brittany and I broke up-”

“Wait, wait, wait. You’re THE Ex?!”

There was an accusatory tone that Santana didn’t really appreciate, but she nodded sadly. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“Holy hell. Sugar talks about you all the time. I figured she’d had a crush on you or something until you broke Brittany’s heart.”

“Well, that’s what I’m here to fix. That’s why it’s so important that she see me. Also, Sugar’s your girlfriend? I’d never even known she was into chicks. And she got a keeper, I tell you.”

Santana flashed another brilliant smile and could seen Jane’s defenses start to come down.

“Well, thanks, I guess.” Jane said, bashfully. “I mean, any friend of Sugar’s is a friend of mine, even if she sometimes seems a little obsessed with you. Anyway, I’d love to help you out, Santana, but I’m not even sure when Brittany is going to be back.”

“Well, just let me hang out. I promise I won’t be any trouble, okay? I’ll just sit here out of the way. And then when she gets back, I will take only a few minutes.”

“A few minutes? From what Sugar told me, Brittany hasn’t talked to you in months.”

“About a year, actually.”

“And you think you’re only going to need a few minutes?”

“Well, it’s only part one-”

“Santana?”

Jane and Santana turned towards the door, and there was Brittany. Santana took a step back in shock. She was expecting to see Brittany, of course, that’s why she’d come there. But, seeing the woman that only a year ago, she’d thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with…

Santana swallowed hard, trying hard to fight the lump that had formed in her throat. She blinked a few times, chasing the tears ago, and cleared her throat.

“Hey, Britt.” She leaned slightly against Jane’s desk, and did her best to ignore the panicked looks the other woman was throwing in her direction.

There was a moment of softness in Brittany’s face. Santana had never seen anything that she welcomed so much in her life. If was like she had been lost in the desert for a year, and now water was touching her lips for the first time. She put on her smile again, but it fell when the softness fell from Brittany’s face and her jaw clenched.

Brittany turned to Jane. “It’s 12:30, Jane. I’m on lunch until 1:30 when I have Dr. Weber, correct?”

Jane scrambled a moment to regain her composure and then nodded. “Yep, 1:30. I believe he’s bringing his notes on the asymmetrical Universe problem, and I think he’s going to want to work through-”

“Show him in when he gets here.”

With that she turned and without another word went into her office, slamming the door behind her.

Jane and Santana exchanged a look.

“Well, she didn’t tell me to call security, so that’s good.” Jane explained, shrugging.

Santana straightened her dress, giving it a few tugs, and shaking out her hair. “How do I look? Do I have anything in my teeth?”

Jane gave her a thumbs up, and Santana approached the door, putting a hand on the knob. She took a deep breath and turned it.

“Yes, Mercedes.” Brittany stood, leaning against the front of her desk, and was speaking into her desk phone, and patently ignoring Santana.

Santana sat at one of the chairs nearest to Brittany, who moved away. She reached onto the desk, picking up a toy with switches and knobs, fiddling with it for a few moments before Brittany grabbed it from her, putting it carefully back on the desk. Santana shrugged and leaned back in the plush, leather chair.

“Yes, Mercedes, she’s now in my office. And I know good and well that she didn’t get all the way to New York and you didn’t know about it, and I want to know why this is the first I’m hearing about it.”

Santana had to smile. Even though Brittany was glaring at her for all she was worth, there was a comforting familiarity about the moment. When they had been together, Brittany had had Santana wrapped around her finger, but on the rare occasion they weren’t getting along, or there was something she couldn’t convince her to do, Brittany would always call Mercedes to set her straight. Which usually worked.

She looked around on the walls. There were the pictures of Brittany’s past accomplishments, some professional photos from events and conferences, and some personal ones. Most of the personal ones that Santana recognized, she’d taken herself. There were pictures of their friends in New York, some of Brittany giving speeches, or working with students, some of them performing, or with Mercedes and Sugar. One in particular caught her eye. She stood up and walked over. It was one that Santana had taken after their glee club in high school, the Troubletones, won Sectionals. The other girls were laughing and so happy that she’d taken her phone out and snapped a couple of pictures. Then she’d framed it and kept it on her desk at their place in New York. She thought she’d lost it in the move, but there it was. She felt like she should have been annoyed, but she was happy. Even with everything that happened, Brittany had something of hers after all.

Santana turned as Brittany got off the phone. “Hi Britt.”

Brittany crossed her arms and leaned against the desk. “What are you doing here?”

Her tone wasn't particularly sharp, but it was definitely flat in a way that Santana wasn’t used to. It was like it had no emotion at all. She took a few breaths against the discomfort in her chest and put both of her hands on the back of the chair.

“I’m moving to New York.”

Whatever reaction Santana was expecting, she certainly didn’t get it. Brittany continued to look at her like she’d said nothing at all.

Santana tried again. “Did you hear me, Britt? I’m coming to New York. I’m here. For good. I don’t really have a job yet or anything, but I’m here to stay.”

Brittany continued to stare. “What am I supposed to say to that, Santana? You’re allowed to move anywhere you want. You don’t need permission from me. It’s got nothing to do with me.”

Brittany was trying to keep her cool, but she was furious. First, Santana shows up unannounced, and then Mercedes won’t tell her anything. Mercedes had been her closest friend since she’d come to New York, and though she’d spent months trying to act as the intercessor between her and Santana, Brittany thought she was done with all that. Apparently her best friend was only beginning to play matchmaker.

“Oh, come on, Britt, this is what you wanted.” Santana tried her best puppy dog eyes, but Brittany wasn’t moved.

“Maybe that’s what I wanted nine months ago. Maybe. But you’ve made it clear, Santana, that I don’t have a say in what you do with your life. Look, I’m glad that you’ve finally made a decision, and I hope that it’s best for you, but I have a really busy day ahead of me, so, if you’ll excuse me.”

Santana saw her future slipping away from her quickly, so she tried another track.

“Have dinner with me!” She blurted out, before Brittany could make any more attempts to kick her out.

“What?”

“I just mean, I’m back in town, and I’ve missed you. And whether or not you want to admit it, Britt, I know you’ve missed me too. Just go out to dinner with me, please.”

She hadn’t wanted to add the please, but to be honest, the day was not really going the way that she planned and she was feeling more than a little desperate.

There was a pleading in her eyes that Brittany had always found hard to ignore. She remembered times when those same eyes had been used in all kinds of ways to convince her of all kinds of things. She shuddered inwardly, but kept her face impassive.

“Sorry, Santana, I can’t. I have plans. You’ll have to give me more notice-”

“C’mon, Britt. It’s just dinner. I promise it’ll be civil, even. We need to talk, we never did properly before.”

“Santana…”

There was a warning in Brittany’s voice. She wasn’t in the mood to entertain Santana’s flights of fancy. Sure, there was a part of her that was glad that Santana was in New York. There was a part of her that would always be glad to see Santana, no matter what happened. But she’d promised herself that she would stay strong. She had to. She had to start protecting herself.

“If I don’t have plans to look forward to tonight, I could very well just sit around your office all day. I already know that Jane likes me, and I’m sure I’d love to meet Dr. Weber and hear all about his research.”

Brittany shook her head slightly, and Santana made one last gambit. “Please, Britt. Thursday is date night. You can’t turn me down on date night.” She tried the puppy dog eyes again, and could see Brittany’s resolve finally crack.

Brittany pinched the bridge of her nose. “Fine. Dinner. That’s it.” She reached for a pad and scribbled down a number. “This is my cell. Give me the details and I’ll meet you there.”

Santana waved the paper away. “No worries. Mercedes gave it to me months ago.”

“Of course she did.”

“Anyway, are you sure you don’t want me to come pick you up? I could rent a limo and-”

“No, Santana. I will drive there and meet you.”

“You’ve got a car? What kind of car is it?”

“I will meet you there.” Brittany continued tersely. “And don’t be late, Santana. I know how you get when there are a million dresses to try on.”

Santana got up and sauntered towards the door. “Fine, fine. I promise. Scout’s honor.” She saluted and walked out, but quickly stuck her head back in the office.

“It was nice seeing you, Britt.”

The frown between Brittany’s eyes deepened, and there was a touch of a scowl on her face. “See you  later, Santana.”

The remark didn’t dampen the other woman’s spirits and she practically skipped out of the office, stopping at Jane’s desk.

Jane held out the phone. “I’ve been updating Sugar on the situation, she wants to know why you and Mercedes didn’t tell her you’d be in town.”

“Tell her it’s because she can’t keep her mouth shut. In the meantime, I’ll see her tomorrow. Maybe we’ll all go out for drinks. Anyway, I’ve got a date to get ready for.”

With that Santana stepped out of the office, and into the hallway.

\

Santana had sent the text to Brittany right after lunch. She’d made the reservation almost two weeks before, and knew exactly what she was going to wear, so it was only a matter of going back to Mercedes’ house, changing clothes, and catching an Uber to the restaurant. Now, she sat nervously at the table, bouncing her leg up and down. She’d told Brittany 7:00 and even though it was 6:58, she could still feel her stomach tying itself up into knots. She alternated between twisting the napkin in her lap, and taking sips from the wine glass in front of her. She put the glass down. She didn’t want to get tipsy, or out of sorts before Brittany even got there.

What if Brittany didn’t show up? What if she showed up, but didn’t want to talk? What if she hated Santana after everything that had happened? The questions swirled around Santana like fruit flies and she swatted them away.

There was nothing to do now but wait. They would talk and either Brittany would accept her, or she wouldn’t. Santana didn’t want to think about what would happen if she didn’t. At this point, she had already put everything on the line. There was nothing waiting for her back in LA, and without Brittany, New York was just another town.

She took a deep breath. She hadn’t come here to put pressure on Brittany to take her back. She just wanted to show her how much she’d grown, and maybe, just maybe, that might make her change her mine. She twisted the linen napkin again, and footsteps behind her made her jump.

“Hey!” Her voice cracked, and she tried not to redden from embarrassment. Quickly, she was on her feet and pulling out the chair for Brittany.

“That’s not necessary, Santana.”

“No, no, please, I want to. When we were together, you always used to do it for me, so now I want to do it for you.”

  
“We’re not together.”

The words stung, but Santana tried not to let her smile falter.

“I know. I said when we **were** together. Anyway, I just thought it was a nice thing to do. You look lovely, Brittany.”

Santana wasn’t just going for flattery, Brittany actually did look amazing. Her smile became a little less forced as she took it all in. Brittany had put in a lot of effort. She looked smoking. She was wearing a tight black dress with a long slit up the side, and her hair was in a high bun, the loose tendrils draping over her neck. Santana had seen Brittany put in this much effort before, and it had usually been to impress her. Of course, she was always impressed with Brittany. The other woman could have been wearing a paper sack and she would have been impressed.

“Thanks.”

Santana cleared her throat a few more times. She gestured around the room. “Do you remember this place, Britt? We’re right around the corner from the apartment in Flatbush.”

Brittany nodded, and a small smile lit up her face. “Yeah. It was our first date in the city. After you’d asked me to live here with you. You were working so much to pay the rent, I didn’t think we’d ever be able to get out. And then you brought me here.” She sighed. “I remembered as soon as you told me the address.”

“Right? Remember we shared that tiramisu after dinner, and you drank too much wine and tried to give me a lap dance right at the table.”

“Well, if I remember correctly, we hadn’t had sex in weeks. You were too tired when you came home, I was too busy trying to find a job, and the rest of the time, Hummelberry were roaming around screeching every time they saw us kiss.”

They shared a laugh before Brittany’s face fell again. Santana noticed and scrambled to save the conversation. She waved the waiter over.

“We’ll start with a wine for the lady, and then maybe some soup. What’s the special today?”

“Well, ma’am-”

“I’ll just have the wine. Whatever she’s having.” Brittany broke in, gesturing towards Santana.

“Very good ma’am.”

He went off to fulfill get Brittany’s wine and Santana frowned. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

“Well, Santana, you showed up unannounced and I didn’t even know you were in town. I can’t stay, I have something at 8, and I can’t blow them off.”

“Britt, you just got here.”

“And I will stay for a drink. We can talk if you want to, Santana, but if you think I’m going to turn my whole life around just because you waltz into town like it’s no big deal, you thought wrong. I waited for you, Santana. I waited and watched while you broke my heart. I’m not in the mood to give you the benefit of the doubt anymore.”

Brittany hadn’t raised her voice, but she didn’t have to. Her voice was a harsh whisper, and it stung more than Santana could have thought possible. She tried to steady herself, but before she knew it, the world was swimming behind unshed tears.

“Brittany, I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” Her voice nearly broke with emotion.

“Well, you said it, right?”

“No. I mean, not like this. I just wanted-”

“What about what I want, Santana? A year ago I wanted you to be my wife, but apparently that wasn’t enough for you. And now it’s about what you want? I’m not playing that game with you. Not now.”

The waiter returned and placed a glass in front of Brittany. Even he could feel the tension and left without trying to inform them of the specials.

Suddenly, Brittany’s outfit and hair made sense. She hadn’t been dressing up for their date at all. Santana tried her best not to frown, but she could barely help the disdain that wanted to drip from her lips.

“So, you’ve got plans afterwards.”

Brittany looked her straight in the eye. “Yes.”

“A date?”

“Yes.”

Santana felt the world start to swim again, but she blinked quickly, ridding the tears. She wasn’t here to blackmail Brittany, she wasn’t here to guilt her. She had to remember that.

“Well, that’s good.”

Brittany wrinkled her brow. “Good?”

“Yeah, I mean, I’m glad you’re, you know, doing things that make you happy.”

Brittany grunted and took another sip of wine.

“Anyway, thanks for coming, I really appreciate it.”

“Yeah.”

They sat for another moment in silence, sipping their wine before Brittany spoke up again.

“I’d better go.”

Santana stood up, and pulled her chair out before she could protest. “Sure, sure. I hope you enjoyed the wine.”

“It was nice. Vintage?”

“Hell if I know. You know I know nothing about wine.” Santana said, shrugging.

Brittany smiled at the memory. “Yeah, like that time you bought the bottle for a hundred bucks and it ended up tasting like prison wine.”

“I still say that you have no idea what prison wine tastes like, so how could you know?” Santana returned the smile. “Anyway, I’ll see you around, Britt.”

“See you later, Santana.”


	3. February 3, 2017

February 3, 2017

Mercedes had gone into the bedroom three times trying to drag Santana out of bed. It was just like when they were in high school, and would have sleepovers. Santana would drink way too much, and be hungover the next morning, and it was up to Mercedes to cajole her into eating breakfast. She wasn’t nasty (like she sometimes got when drinking when Brittany was around), or weepy (like she sometimes got when drinking and Brittany was), but was generally sluggish and unresponsive. She would have loved to leave the responsibility to Brittany, but Brittany enjoyed breakfast a bit too much for that. 

But today, unlike in the past, she didn’t have the time to cajole Santana out of bed with promises of omelettes and pancakes. The show production she was in had her running night and day trying to keep up with rehearsals for the new show. She’d been doing Dreamgirls in London for the past six months, and it was a hit. Then she’d come back to New York and it wasn’t long before investors were clamoring to bring the revival back to the States. She’d resisted at first, desperate for a little time to herself, but they’d made her an offer she couldn’t refuse (in the form of checks with a couple more zeroes than she was used to), so she’d caved. Now it was rehearsals nonstop and contract meetings. Not to mention the fact that there were a couple of studios that were interested in signing her. Her days seemed to whiz by, so she definitely didn’t have time to be babysitting Santana. 

“Santana, get up!” She dragged the blankets off of her whining friend, and snapped open the blinds. “It’s nearly ten and I’m leaving, and if I’m not mistaken, you’ve got another date to plan tonight.” 

Santana groaned, covering her head with a pillow. “She just left me there, Mercedes. She didn’t care. I don’t know what I’m going to do!” 

“You’re going to get up, and finish what you started, Lopez.” Mercedes grabbed Santana’s foot, and pulled back sliding her across the bed, and nearly onto the floor. “And I believe you’ve got some work to do.”

“Mercedes, she doesn’t want me.”

Mercedes stopped tugging and stood up, hands on her hips. “Are you kidding me? You’re giving up.”

“Well, I don’t know just yet.”

“You don’t know just yet? Santana, you moved across the country, gave up your apartment, your job, whatever life you had in LA to come here and go after Brittany. And you’re just giving up?”

“I didn’t say I was giving up.”

“If you’re not giving up, then act like it! Follow through. Yeah, she’s scared. Of course she’s scared, Santana. You two were getting married, and then you weren’t, and then you did that thing where you get nervous and overcompensate. She’s seen you do it a million times but never towards  _ her _ . Of course she was scared, anybody would be. Show her you’re worth it, by being worth it. Go out there and  _ earn her _ . If you can’t do that, then you’re not good enough for my Brittany anyway.” 

Santana peeked out from under the pillow at Mercedes. 

“Your Brittany?” She said with a smile. 

“Well, yeah. I mean, I was the captain of the Troubletones, your captain. And it was a long time ago, but I still feel responsible for you guys somehow. All of you. And I feel bad when you’re hurting. Even when you do it to each other. Especially then.”

Santana finally sat up on the bed, nervously digging her feet into the carpet. “‘Cedes?”

“Yeah, Santana?”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I put you through. I never really… I mean, it never occurred to me that what I did, not coming to New York, not working things out with Brittany sooner, could hurt you, hurt Sugar, hurt everyone that cares about us. I was pretty selfish, I guess.”

Mercedes laughed. “Yeah, you were.”

“Hey! You’re not supposed to agree with me.”

“No, but it’s the truth. And you want to know how to make it right? Make Brittany happy with the person you know she loves. Make things up to her. Feel better about yourself. Whatever happens with her, and I mean whatever, Santana, as long as you two are happy, I’m happy.”

With that Santana stood up, and went to embrace Mercedes, who returned the hug. “Thanks, captain.”

Mercedes enjoyed the hug for a minute and then shook Santana off. “All right, enough of that. Go get your girl, and I’ll see you later.”

Santana saluted and dived for her suitcase. 

\

Santana was walking a very fine line.

She knew that there was a factor of creepiness to how she’d planned everything out with Brittany. It was her master plan, of course, and though, sometimes, she wasn’t very good at planning, when she put her mind to it, she was quite proficient. Brittany had only been advertising the marathon showing of Carl Sagan’s ‘Cosmos’ for a month on her department’s webpage. She’d gone to a lot of trouble and rented out the whole amphitheater, promising that there’d even be popcorn. She’d smiled when she’d read one of the ten reminders that Brittany had posted on the message boards, each one dotted with hearts and puppies, but also promising a very good time. But Santana hadn’t been explicitly invited, so, her hope was that Brittany found the gesture of her showing up sweet and not sinister. 

She walked in the back of the darkened auditorium, smoothed out the edges of her deep, purple dress, and sat down. She took a quick glance around. The episode was ending, and she watched the credits for a moment before taking a seat. She’d watched the whole thing before, of course. It was one of Brittany’s favorite things to do when it was really rainy or she was sick and wanted to stay in. They’d cuddle on the couch and pop in one of the DVD’s. If Brittany was feeling very generous, she’d let Santana choose. They share a blanket, and Santana would settle herself between Brittany’s legs, laying her head on her chest. Brittany would wrap her arms around Santana, and place a gentle kiss on the top of her head. Those were some of the happiest times of her life. The times when she felt most like home. 

Very quickly the lights came up, and like stepping out of her memory, Brittany was in front of her, on stage. 

“Hey pipes and pipettes! That was one of my favorite episodes of Cosmos, ‘Harmony of the Worlds’. If you’re just joining us, that was really the story of astronomy, and how we understand what we understood in the early 1980’s about the science of studying the stars. The next episode, ‘Heaven and Hell’ is  _ also _ one of my favorite episodes, and I hope you’ll enjoy it. We’ll have a Q &A afterwards and talk about some of our most fantastic current astronomical questions. Unless there are any questions now?”

A few hands went up and Brittany called on the first one. Santana loved watching her work. She would get so serious and so excited and so focused. And she was competent. Hell, she was more than competent, she was genius. 

Santana shifted uncomfortably in her seat. The feelings that she’d tried her best to push down and bury were fighting inside her and even now she struggled to get them under control. She had to remember the reasons that she was doing this. She had to remember the kind of person that she said that she would be for Brittany. That’s all that mattered at the moment. 

Another string of questions, and Brittany scanned the room. “That’s it? No more? I would have thought that some of the foremost young minds in theoretical physics might have a few thoughts on some of the topics that we’ve covered.”

Santana slowly put a hand up to get her attention. Brittany had been laughing, but when she saw the owner of the raised hand, her face fell. Anyone else would have ignored Santana’s hand, but the inner educator in Brittany couldn’t just ignore it. She sighed, trying her best to tamp down any more obvious annoyance and pointed at Santana. 

“Yes? Have you got a question?”

Santana stood, and smoothed her dress again. “Um, hi. I’m kind of a novice when it comes to all of this stuff, but I just wanted to thank you for hosting this movie night. I’m learning a lot. It just goes to show how selfless and kind you really are. I mean, considering we’re all here on a Friday night.”

The audience laughed, and Santana brightened, gaining more courage. 

“Anyway, it just reminds me of a quote by Carl Sagan: ‘For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.’ I guess that just really makes sense to me. Brittany, you bring love to everything you do, and we’re all just really lucky to have you around.”

Santana sat down, and a few students started clapping. The room got really going, and chants of “Brittany, Brittany, Brittany!” filled the auditorium. Brittany’s slight frown became a smile as she looked at all of her students. She put her hands out for quiet. 

“Thank you all, you’re very sweet, but cheering does not count for extra credit, while participating in this group discussion does. So, if there aren’t any further questions, we’ll start with the next episode. A new batch of popcorn is going, so, come by if you’re in need of a fix.”

Brittany stepped off the stage, and a moment later the lights went down again and the new episode started. Santana stood up, and walked over to the popcorn machine. A line had formed, and Jane was filling up bags with popcorn and handing them to Brittany, who was passing them out. Jane smiled slyly as Santana approached, and put down the scoop and backed away from the table. 

“Oh, man. Danggit!”

Brittany looked at her sideways, trying to ignore Santana who was standing nearby. “What’s wrong?”

“I, um, forgot the extra butter.”

There was a moment of confusion before Brittany understood what Jane was trying to do. “Oh, no, no, no. Get back here Hayward. Jane-”

“Sorry, Britt, don’t worry, I’ll be right back.”

With that Jane scampered off, and Santana took that as her cue. “Need a hand with that?”

Brittany looked like she wanted to resist, but she finally just gave in. “Fine. You scoop, I’ll pass?”

“Sure!” Santana tried to pretend that she wasn’t as excited as she was, but she couldn’t help the little dance that escaped from her as she stepped up to the table. She grabbed the scoop that was sitting on the table, and began filling up the bags. She handed them to Brittany who passed them out, and they worked in a silence that was only slightly strained. After the line died down, Santana leaned up against the popcorn machine and tried to look as cool as she could. 

“What are you doing here, Santana?” Brittany said. There was a sharpness in her tone that made Santana flinch, but she ignored it. 

“It’s a public event, Britt. Anybody can show up. Anyway, I happen to recall a person who was certain we would never get tired of watching Cosmos together.”

Brittany rolled her eyes, but they softened. “You hated this show.”

“Well, I was bored out of my mind the first eight viewings, but after a while I could appreciate the tone of it. And Carl Sagan will always be a boss. Him and those turtlenecks and sports jackets.”

She waggled her brows and Brittany laughed. 

The smile faded a bit a moment later, and the sharpness sounded like it was close to returning. “Sure, this is a public event, but I don’t think it’s a coincidence that you showed up tonight of all times.”

“I missed you, Britt. And I wanted to see you.” Santana blurted out. 

Brittany regarded her carefully, her frown becoming more pronounced. “So, you came here because you were lonely.”

“No! What? No! I came because I wanted to see you, because it’s been too long since I’ve seen you every day. I haven’t seen Cosmos in a while, and I miss watching it with you. Even if you hate me at the moment, I still wanted to try.”

She was trying her best not to come off as pathetic, but she wasn’t doing a very good job. 

“Do you think I hate you, Santana? Really? That’s what you think this is all about?” Brittany accused. 

“Well, yeah, but it’s not like I blame you! I was awful, Britt, I was just awful, and that was wrong of me.”

“I can’t believe you, Santana!” Brittany was almost yelling, and she checked herself, as the noise caught the attention of some of the students closest to them. She took a step back from the table, and grabbed Santana’s arm, walking them out the door and into the hallway. 

“Britt, what is going on? I came here because I wanted to apologize.”

Brittany’s eyes blazed as she beared down on Santana. “I don't want your apologies, Santana! I don't want your pity or your defeatism or your excuses. I have finally,  _ finally _ started to figure myself out without you, and you're coming here and doing that thing you do, and messing all that up.” 

Brittany seemed to be fighting back tears, and Santana’s breath was caught in her throat. Her mind was spinning. The last thing she wanted to do was upset Brittany, but that's what she'd done. She ran through her options. She couldn't tell Brittany she'd come to New York to win her back. She certainly couldn't lie to her. She couldn't give up, but she couldn't push. So, she did the only thing she could think of. She put her hands on Brittany’s arms and pulled her closer. 

“It's okay, Britt. It's okay.” 

She wrapped her arms around Brittany and pulled her close. She was a few inches shorter so she buried her face into Brittany’s shoulder, squeezing even harder. She could feel Brittany’s breath as she tried to catch it and fight back the sobs that threatened to overtake her. 

They stood there another moment in quiet, holding onto each other tightly. Suddenly, Santana pulled away. 

“Brittany, I just want to say… I just want to say that there will always be a part of me that cares about you. No matter what we go through or how long we go without seeing each other. That’s what I meant when I said I missed you, I guess. But, I won’t push you. I’m going to head out. Sorry about all this.”

With that she turned, and made her way through the double doors that lead out into the hallway. Brittany almost reached out a hand to stop her, but she was already gone. She went back into the auditorium where the show continued playing. Jane stood near the table, her brow furrowed. 

“I guess she’s not coming back in, huh?”

Brittany pinched her brow. “How much of that did you hear?”

“Not much, but it didn’t sound good.”

“Well, it’s nothing to worry about.” Brittany brushed several stray popcorn kernels into the trash. “And I hope that you and Sugar will stay out of it.” 

Brittany’s words were sharp, but there was a softness in it that Jane couldn’t ignore. She stared down at her toes. 

“I’m sorry, Britt.”

“Just remember what I said, Jane. I’m going to get some air.” Brittany turned and was out of the door in an instant, and Jane could only watch the door close behind her. 


	4. February 4, 2017

February 4, 2017

Brittany dialed Mercedes telephone number again and listened to the line ring. She had called a few times earlier in the day, but she’d most likely been in rehearsals, and too busy to answer her phone. Now it was getting closer to five, and she knew for a fact that they like to break in time for dinner. The phone rang a few more times and finally went to voicemail. She didn’t bother leaving a message because Mercedes didn’t check them anyway, but she pulled the phone away from her face, and began stabbing at the keyboard.

_I know you can see this, Jones, and I’m expecting a call back soon. We need to talk!!!!!!_

She looked down at the phone, frowned and erased a few of the exclamation marks. She didn’t want to rage at Mercedes. Honestly, she didn’t want to rage against anyone. But there was something about knowing that Santana was out there, just, existing in the same city with her at the same time that made her unsteady.

She’d been telling the truth. She didn’t hate Santana. There was a time right after she’d come to the city when she was sure that she could have, but the feeling never really took over. She was disappointed, sure. She’d been really sad. She’d been angry. But, she hadn’t hated Santana. In fact, she probably loved her more than ever when she’d first arrived. Santana had always been someone that she wanted to protect from the worst the world had to offer. She was someone who needed to be dealt with softly and gently, and loved through the worst of it all. But, there was something about the way that things got worse and worse between the two of them as the standoff about who would move where lengthed. And instead of feeling like protecting Santana, she’d imagined her hurting as much as she’d been hurting. It was a startling feeling, and one that made Brittany hate herself for a while. Then they’d cut off contact, and slowly, very slowly, she’d started feeling like she could one day be whole again. It was slow going, and there were still nights where she cried herself to sleep after drinking a whole bottle of cheap wine. In the meantime, though, she still had Mercedes, and Sugar, and she knew she could count on them.

Which made the more recent situation all the more infuriating. She knew that they were doing what they thought was best. They couldn’t imagine a world without Brittana, and they wanted to help Santana. But for Brittany, she was feeling more steamrolled than supported.

She put down her phone, and shouted out the open door. “Jane, are you still out there?”

Brittany rarely had office hours on Saturday, but she’d come in for a few hours to help a graduate student with her dissertation. She wouldn’t have asked Jane in too, but there was some correspondence she wanted to catch up on, and in the end it only ended up being about two hours. She wouldn’t have begrudged the other woman leaving early, though. There were definitely better ways to spend your Saturday afternoon than at work.

There was a shuffling, and she rounded her desk, leaning out of the office. She rolled  her eyes when she saw Jane wasn’t alone, but was looking rather disheveled, and quickly buttoning her shirt while her girlfriend sat on the desk, a satisfied grin on her face.

“Hey, Britt!” Sugar said, enthusiastically.

“Sugar, c’mon, you can’t be here distracting Jane while she’s at work. We’ve talked about this.”

“I know, Britt.” Sugar whined. “But, I’ve been out of town for a week, and that’s a long time to go without seeing my boo. I can’t help that I missed this sweetness.”

With that she leaned down and planted a kiss on Jane’s cheek, nuzzling her softly.

Brittany rolled her eyes. “Not during office hours, Sugar.”

Sugar hopped off the desk and saluted. “You got it, friend-o.” She put an arm around Brittany’s shoulder. “What’s going on with you these days? I heard you’ve got a visitor in town-”

Brittany caught the tail end of Jane’s ‘cut it out’ gesture, but the damage was already done. She shook Sugar’s arm off her shoulder, and pointed an accusing finger in her direction.

“Yeah, and thanks for giving me the heads up, Sugar. You know, I can’t believe you and Mercedes, springing this on me.”

Sugar put up her hands. “Look, I’m just as surprised as you. If you remember correctly, I flew up to Toronto a whole eight days ago to do some work for the label. I had no hand in this.”

“Yeah, but you acted all weird when I had to move our lunch date cause I had other plans.”

“Well, you ditched me, Pierce. How was supposed to act?” Sugar shrugged nonchalantly. “Anyway, that’s all under the bridge, all right? I didn’t invite her, but she’s here now, and we should figure out how we’re going to deal.”

“We? Oh no. Both you and Mercedes can stay out of this. It’s none of your business.”

Sugar looked offended. “None of our business. Well, excuse me! It’s not like both Mercedes and I have spent the last year listening to you both complain about how stubborn the other one was.”

“Sugar the only thing you spent the last year doing is alternating between making sure that I was over Santana so you could make your move and giving me a hard time for letting someone, and I quote, ‘so earth smashingly hot’ get away from me.”

Sugar smiled uncomfortably, and walked over to Jane, placing a kiss on her forehead. “This was all long before you, babe.”

“I’m long over your weird obsession with Santana.” Jane waved her off and turned her attention back towards Brittany.  “The point is Brittany, this is a chance to finally talk about what happened. I’m sure Santana came here to get you back, and while you might not get back together, you can at least end the whole thing as friends. From what Sugar’s told me, you two used to be really close.”

Brittany looked off distantly. “Yeah, we were best friends all through high school. There was a time when I couldn’t think of my life without her.”

“Well, what happened?”

“I dunno, Jane. Something got in the way.”

“And aren’t you at all curious as to what that could be? If you really cared about each other, it might be worth it. That’s what I think anyway.”

“Babe, hey babe. If I moved to LA, would you follow me?” Sugar said, waggling her eyebrows significantly.

“Sugar, I wouldn’t follow you if you moved across town.”

Sugar clutched at her heart and leaned across the desk until she was nearly falling off. “Hashtag, savage!”

Jane laughed and grabbed Sugar’s hand, bringing it to her chest. “I’m going to shove off, boss, and show this nerd how much I missed her. You need anything else before I go?”

“No, Jane, it’s fine. I just wanted to make sure I hadn’t missed a call from Mercedes. I can’t help but get the feeling she’s avoiding me.”

“Actually, I can answer that one _boss_.” Sugar said. “Tonight the cast is going out for some sweet, sweet bonding time, and I doubt they’ll be done until late.”

“And how do you know that?”

“This is the reason you need an Instagram, Britt. You’d be up on all the happenings.” Sugar pulled out her phone and scrolled through some pictures. She turned the phone to Brittany, and there was an Instagram post tagging most of the cast, and Mercedes as well, looking like they were having a great time.

“Fine. I’m heading out too, then. No reason for me to stick around here any longer than I have to.”

“Well, well, well. Does that mean you’ve got plans, Dr. Pierce? Another date perhaps?” Sugar asked slyly.

“Another instance of things being none of your business more like it.”

“Fiiiinnnneee. I won’t get involved. Come on, babe, I’ve got us a reservation at the swankiest hotel in Manhattan. I think I deserve it for having to listen to Justin Bieber wine for the past eight days.”

She reached for Jane’s hand, and lead her out the door. Jane set a wave over her shoulder, and a moment later, Brittany was alone.

\

This was their fifth date, and Brittany was still not sure what to wear when they went out. Clark was a nice enough guy. His mom, Dr. Susan Gerber, was a teacher in the physics department, and had introduced them one day when he’d come to pick her up for their monthly lunch “date”. She had her concerns, but he seemed like a nice enough guy, and they’d hit it off. So, she wasn’t surprised when he texted her a week later, and asked if she wanted to see a movie. It was fun, and she’d like him so she agreed to see him again.

To be fair, this wasn’t her first date since she’d left LA. She’d had a couple, with both guys and girls, and some had even ended up with the two of them tangled up in bed sheets the next morning. But they had all felt like they were scratching an itch. She rarely even contacted them again. But Clark felt different. He felt safe.

It didn’t hurt that he was a highly successful surgeon at one of the best hospitals in the city. It wasn’t even like he bragged about it. Brittany had only found out when she’d stopped by Dr. Gerber’s office, and seen a photo of him in his scrubs, hanging from her wall. Of course, it did have it’s drawbacks. He’d warned her that he might have to cancel without warning, and it had happened once already, but it was a risk they were willing to take.

So, one date had turned into two and then three and then more, and before you knew it, they were calling each other, and he’d even sent her flowers. She hadn’t bothered to introduce him to her friends yet. There wasn’t really a point. They’d have been surprised, and maybe a little confused, but in the end, she was sure they’d support her. At least she hoped so. So, maybe she wasn’t as confident as she thought she was when it came to her friends supporting her new relationship, it wasn’t the end of the world.

But Clark was a nice guy. He took her to night restaurants, and shows, and once he even took her to an animal shelter, and they got to hang out with a bunch of puppies and kittens, so she’d had a blast. There was definitely something reliable about him, and Brittany liked it. She wasn’t sure how far they’d go together, but she was enjoying herself and that’s what mattered.

He’d invited her to a club on his side of town, and Brittany was only too happy to go. She was a sucker for a song with a good beat, and it had been way too long since she’d danced late into the night. So, she’d caught a cab from her place, and arrived at the club, excited to get the night started. She was settling up to the bar when her phone buzzed.

Clark: _Hey, I’m on my way, but got held up at the hospital. I should be there in about half an hour. Sorry about that._

_No problem. I’ll see you when you get here._

There was a short pause, and then her phone vibrated again.

_Awesome, can’t wait to see you._

Brittany took another sip, and scanned the club. It wasn’t one that she’d been to before, but she knew the type. Tonight seemed to be 80’s night (if the retro clothing folks were wearing was any indication), and the music was taking her nostalgia town. She bobbed her head to the music and suddenly she realized someone was watching her closely.

The brunette was only a couple of feet down the bar, but she kept her eyes on Brittany. When Brittany smiled, she made her way over, and stuck out a hand.

“Hi! I’m Renee!”

Brittany took her hand with a smirk. “Brittany.”

The music was loud, but they shouted a little to make themselves heard. Brittany rather enjoyed the way Renee had to lean in close to talk to her. She could smell her perfume, no doubt dabbed behind her ears. Her skin was a rich, deep brown, and Brittany couldn’t help but think she’d never seen a more gorgeous skin tone in her life.

“I know this sounds like a cheesy pick up line, but what are you doing here all alone, Brittany?”

Brittany laughed. “Well, yeah, I’m waiting on a friend, actually. But he’s late.”

“His loss.”

“Actually…” Brittany smiled. “I was thinking I could use a dance partner. Just until he gets here of course.”

“Oh, of course.” Renee wrapped an arm about Brittany’s and pulled her towards the dancefloor.

Brittany was surprised at how good of a dancer Renee was. There weren’t many people who could keep up with her once she got going, but the other woman was doing well, and looking amazing in the process. Before she knew it quite a few songs had passed and she was ready for a break.

“Wanna grab a drink?” Renee yelled over the music.

“I dunno.” She pulled her phone out of her pocket. No new messages, and it had been nearly half an hour since Clark’s last text. “My friend should be coming soon.”

Renee rubbed her arm playfully. “Come on, we won’t be far, and we can wait for him to get here.”

Brittany thought about it for a moment longer. “Okay, as long as we don’t go far.

Renee’s smile beamed again, and she lead Brittany off the dance floor. But instead of heading to the bar, Renee pulled her towards the back of the bar. The volume of the music lessened and they could almost speak in a normal tone.

“Where are we going?”

“I’m here with some friends, and we’ve got a bar going in the back. Open bar. It’s kind of a private party, but as long as you’re with me, you’re good.”

“With you?” Brittany laughed.

“You know what I mean.”

“Suuuuure.” She followed Renee through one door and then down a long hallway. “So, what is this party you’ve got going on. Must be a big deal to have the whole back of the club to yourself.”

“It’s kind of like a bonding exercise. Our producer made us do it. Not that I’m complaining. An open bar, is an open bar.”

A faint glimmer of recognition played at the edges of Brittany’s consciousness as Renee pulled her through the hallway and through another door, but she ignored it. Her phone, however, caught her attention as it buzzed again.

Clark: _Sorry, Brittany, I’m stuck with another case. I’m going to have to cancel. It came up at the last minute, right as I was heading out the door. I’m so sorry, but I promise I will make it up to you soon._

The high that Brittany had been feeling drained away from her quickly. She didn’t have the right to be disappointed, she really didn’t, but the last thing she wanted right now was to be alone.  

She put an arm around Renee. “Thanks for inviting me back here, I think I’ll hang out after-”

“Britt?!”

Brittany turned, and was surprised to see Mercedes there. “Mercedes, what are you doing here?”

Renee seemed surprised too. “‘Cedes, how do you know my new friend?”

Mercedes looked between the two of them for a second, and the light seemed to go on in her head. “Oh, no, Renee, you’re not putting the moves on this one, she’s off limits.” She took Brittany’s arm from around the other woman before either could say a word, and shooed her away.

“Hey! Mercedes-”

“Nope, go find some other one tonight.”

Her voice was playful, but firm, and Renee went on her way. Brittany was a little miffed, though.

“Mercedes, why would you do that? We weren’t doing anything anyway, just dancing, and she was going to buy me a drink.”

“I’m sure it was all very innocent, but I don’t want you getting involved with her. Or with anybody in my company.”

“I’m not _getting involved._ I was on a date, but the guy stood me up, so I decided to have some fun.”

Mercedes looked at her for a moment. “Somebody stood you up?”

“Yeah, just a friend of mine, it’s nothing serious. Anyway, he gets pretty busy sometimes and- What are you looking for?”

Her friend was quickly looking around the room for someone, or something, and looked guiltily back at Brittany for a moment. “Nothing? Just, you know, scanning the peripheral. Always have to have good situational awareness and all that.”

“You’re lying, ‘Cedes.”

Mercedes rolled her eyes. “Okay, maybe I am, but I’m trying to save you some trouble, so don’t go making a big deal out of it.”

“What is it?” Brittany pulled gently on her arm. “Let me hang out, Mercedes, please? I’ll be totally cool, and I’ll only give lap dances if you want me to.”

Britt…”

“Please, Mercedes?”

“Santana’s coming.”

The words washed over her like a cold shock, but she adjusted quickly. “So? It’s not like I’m going to kill her if I see her. We’re allowed to be in the same room as each other. We can be civil.”

“It’s not that, Britt, it’s just I won’t want you to be uncomfortable. At all. I know you two haven’t really have a chance to talk, and that might make it tough for you to hang out together.”

“Mercedes, we dated since high school. How many years is that? Like, a decade? We may not be together anymore, but if there’s one thing we can do, it’s get along.”

“Are you sure?” Mercedes looked closely at her friend to try and see if there was any indecision behind her eyes.

“I’m sure. Trust me.”

Brittany put on her brightest smile, and nodded to strengthen her point. Maybe it was the music, or the dancing, or getting ditched, but there was something in her that was almost looking forward to seeing Santana. As if the initial impact of her being in town had worn off, and now they actually might be getting to the place where they could be in the same room together and not explode at each other. Of course, it had only been a day since their last fight, but Brittany was feeling optimistic.

Mercedes sat her down at a table, and went to go fetch some drinks. The music was pumping back here too, but at a lower volume that made talking a lot more enjoyable. She introduced herself to a couple of her tablemates, and listened to some of the embarrassing stories they’d collected about Mercedes during their time in the show.

She was laughing at a particularly entertaining anecdote about Mercedes and her crush on the guy that was helping to produce the studio album, when suddenly there was a small voice by her elbow.

“Hey, Brittany.”

She jumped at the sound of Santana’s voice but settled quickly before turning to her.

“Santana, hey. I, um, wasn’t expecting you so quickly.”

“Yeah, Mercedes told me you were here, and I thought maybe I should not come at all. But I was pretty close, so, yeah. But, if you want me to leave, I will. No pressure.”

“No!” Brittany reddened at the desperation in her voice. “I just mean, it’s fine, San. I don’t want you to go. I mean, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

She moved over a bit, and gestured towards the seat. “Please, sit down.”

There was a moment of hesitation from Santana, but she did sit finally, maintaining a bit of distance between them.

“This is kind of a cool party.” Santana said, nervously.

“Yeah, apparently they do this once a month. It’s new to me, but everybody seems really nice.”

Mercedes approached with a few drinks, warily eyeing the two as she came closer to the table.

“Santana! You came. That’s… well, it’s not what I was expecting, but I’m glad. Is, um, is everything cool with the two of you?”

Brittany sighed. “I told you, I am perfectly capable of being civil, Mercedes.”

“I know, I know. I just wanted to make sure. Santana, I brought you a drink. Nothing too heavy, though. And Britt, this is your favorite one. It’s even got one of those little umbrellas that you like so much. It’s probably got about twelve hundred calories, but I know you’re going to dance them all off, so enjoy.”

She plopped a small glass in front of Santana, and the bigger glass (which indeed had an umbrella on top, as well as a slice of pineapple, a lemon wedge, and coconut shavings) in front of Brittany who reached for it eagerly.

“This is kind of nice. Reminds me of my second time in undergrad.” Santana said, sipping her drink.

Brittany couldn’t help but agree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is supposed to be 1k, 1.5k words TOPS. I am trying to shave it down so I can get the chapters out sooner, but I have no idea what I'm doing. Halp.


	5. February 5, 2017

January 5, 2017

Brittany woke up with a start.

Her head was pounding and her mouth was dry. She looked around, squinting into the brightness that surrounded her. She waited for the blurriness to clear, and saw that she was in Mercedes apartment, splayed over a couch. She wasn’t alone, there were voices in the kitchen, and she took a few moments to climb to her feet, and followed the sounds.

“It wasn’t a date.”

Santana’s voice had a bit of bite, and Brittany stopped, remembering the events of the night before that ended up with her crashed on Mercedes couch. She had probably more alcohol than was called for (those fruity drinks always did her in), and had been in no position to make it all the way back across town to her place. She ended up doing what she normally did when she found herself too tipsy to be trusted in a cab, and fallen asleep on the first horizontal item she stumbled into at Mercedes’ place. It wasn’t a perfect system, but more often than not, it kept her from throwing up on something she wasn’t supposed to, and she rarely felt safer than when she was at her friend’s house.

“I’m not saying it was a date, Santana, but it was _like_ a date. If you wanted to count that as one of the 13, then I don’t think anyone would disagree with you.”

“I dunno, Mercedes. I think she just needs some time, and space, you know. You didn’t see her face the other day. At the school. I don’t think I’ve seen her this miserable since she had to leave Lord Tubbington at her parent’s house. I don’t want to be the person who makes her feel like that.”

“You don’t have to get down on one knee and propose, you just have to tell her.”

“I’m not pushing it.” Santana’s tone was firm. “She needs time, or whatever, and I’m going to give it to her. I have to accept that our relationship won’t ever be like it was. I’m not happy about it, no, but if it’s what’s best for her, that’s it.”

Brittany cleared her throat, and made her way into the kitchen.

“Hey, um, morning everybody.”

“Hey! Good morning, everybody’s private dancer. You had fun last night, no? I’ll make you a cup of coffee.”

Mercedes got up from her stool at the counter, and went to the cabinet, pulling out a mug. Brittany took her place, aware of how close she was sitting to Santana.

“Yeah.” She laughed. “What I remember of it. It was a blast. Remind me to avoid whatever that was in the bottle shaped like a dagger.”

Mercedes sat the mug down, along with the cream and sugar. “It was bad, girl, I don’t know. I’m still recovering myself.”

Brittany giggled a bit, and turned to Santana. “Good morning, Santana.”

“Oh, hi, I mean, morning, Britt.” Santana tried to keep her bearings, but almost spilled her coffee at the greeting. She’d forgotten how gorgeous Brittany looked in the morning, her hair going in a thousand different directions, and the imprint of the couch pressed into her cheek. They’d spend mornings like this, waking up late, taking a shower together, getting back into bed, another shower, and then going to the farmer’s market for brunch. She’d never thought she’d be a farmer’s market gal, but Brittany had changed her. She snapped herself back to reality.

“How’d you sleep?”

“Like a log, as usual. What can I say? I nailed it when I picked that new couch for you, Mercedes.”

“You always could sleep anywhere, Britt. Remember that time we got locked out of my house cause we came back too late from that party at Quinn’s house and you ended up on top of the shed?” Santana said, laughing.

“Then your dad came out and I woke up to him on a ladder trying to drape a blanket over me?”

“Yes! And you nearly fell off, and I still don’t get why he didn’t just wake you up. You would have been down in like five seconds.”

Mercedes opened the refrigerator. “Well, you two keep reminiscing, and I’m going to whip us up a couple of Mercedes Jones hangover cure omelettes. I put everything in there but the kitchen sink, and it’ll have you at a hundred percent in no time.”

“Actually-” Santana said, draining the rest of the coffee from her cup, and got up from her chair. “I’d better go. I’m meeting with the realtor today to try and find a new place. Rachel suggested her, and before you say anything, she knows I’m working in a budget. I figured it would be better than living in your guest room for the rest of my life.”

“What? Oh, c’mon, Santana, you can’t leave without having breakfast first. I wouldn’t do that to you. I don’t treat my guests that way.”

Santana sent a significant glance to Brittany who was doing her best not to get involved, and flipping through the newspaper.

“I’ve gotta, Mercedes. I’ll grab something on the way.”

“But Santana, you just got into town. You haven’t even been here a week, just hang out, c’mon.”

“Mercedes-”

Brittany folded the newspaper gently, and leaned on the counter. “Stay, Santana. I mean, if you want to.”

Both Santana and Mercedes turned quickly to her.

“A-are you sure, Britt? I mean, I don’t want to… I just mean, we don’t have to…”

“I just think you shouldn’t leave on an empty stomach. I agree with Mercedes. And the longer you two argue about it, the more time it’s going to take for me to get my omelette, so, you should definitely stay.”

Brittany smiled cheekily, and Santana returned the smile. She sat back down with a thump, bumping Brittany with her shoulder.

“I guess I’ve been convinced. I’ll take one of those omelettes now, Mercedes.”

Mercedes rolled her eyes, and turned back towards the stove. “Fine, but don’t get used to this kind of treatment, you two.”

She pulled out some vegetables and a couple of knives and handed them to her guests.

“You two make yourselves useful and get chopping. Next time we’ll have to get Sugar to take us to her big place downtown. She has a cook!”

“Yeah, I don’t get that, because it’s not like she’s even home half the time.” Brittany chimed in.

“You don’t get to be the biggest producer for Atlantic records by hanging out in your apartment, that’s for sure.”

“Wait a second.” Santana said, putting her hands up for quiet. “Can we talk about Sugar and Jane for a second?”

“Other than them being the cutest couple in the world?” Brittany asked, dreamily.

“I’ll admit that they’re pretty cute, but since when has Sugar been down with the ladies?”

Mercedes swirled some butter around in her pan. “She hadn’t really been. In fact, once she got to the city, I hadn’t really seen  her with anybody. But one day she came to a thing at Brittany’s school, and met Jane and it was off to the races. I’ve never seen her so smitten.”

“Really?” Santana said, munching on a pepper. “Just out of the blue, huh?”

“Yeah, she’s really into her. Which is weird because I always saw Sugar as someone who’d never settle down. But it’s like, Jane says jump and Sugar says how high. She’s even gotten her to stop pestering her dad for stuff.”

“So, Sugar isn’t a daddy’s girl anymore?” Santana said, skeptically.

Brittany carefully brought her knife down over a tomato. “I wouldn’t go that far. She’s certainly doing better, but you know Mr. Motta, San. If it were up to him, Sugar would never have to work a day in her life.”

“I just didn’t see it coming. I talk to Sugar sometimes, and she’s never mentioned a girl.”

“Well, it’s new. Only, what, two months now, Mercedes?”

Mercedes nodded.

“And, I don’t know if she realizes how much she’s smitten even now.”

“Sugar is our little smitten kitten.” Mercedes chuckled.

“Don’t let her hear you say that, ‘Cedes, she will freak.”

“Probably.”

Santana sighed. “I guess, I missed a lot. I should have come over here sooner. Just to check things out. Just to see how you all were.”

The festive mood died down a bit at this comment, and Santana regretted making it almost immediately. She hadn’t meant to remind everyone how thoroughly she’d failed all of them. She cleared her throat and focused on her chopping.

“Well, we’re glad you’re here now, Santana. That’s what matters.”

Santana looked up to Mercedes and smiled. She didn’t dare look at Brittany, but she was glad to know that at the very least things were civil between the two of them now.

\

The rest of the day passed in a blur. They ate brunch, and then had all headed out to their separate appointments. It was Sunday, so Santana didn’t have much to do. She’d been serious about not spending the rest of her life bunking with Mercedes (though, she wasn’t entirely sure that Mercedes would have kicked her out). All things considered, she did have a pretty sweet deal. Mercedes’ house was lush, and prime real estate. But, it was way out of Santana’s price range, and as much as a she loved her friend, she knew that she needed her own space from time to time. After meeting with the realtor, she found herself wandering. The city itself hadn’t changed much, one subway ride and she could be anywhere she wanted to be. She didn’t have a destination, but the urge to get a drink overtook her, and she found herself at a very familiar watering hole.

Santana tucked herself into a corner, and was feeling nostalgic. She pulled out her phone, and ignoring the multiple texts from Sugar asking when she’d be available for dinner and gossip, hovered over Brittany’s name for a few seconds.

“To hell with it.” She mumbled.

_Hey, remember Baileys?_

There was a long pause, and Santana put her phone on the bar. She tried to pretend that she was listening to the Fleetwood Mac song (Rhiannon) that was playing on the jukebox, or the guys in the corner arguing over a game of pool. She even tried to pretend to care about the conversation she struck up with the guy beside her who was drunkenly doing his best to get in her pants. But a moment later, the phone dinged, and she dove for it.

_Sorry, I was in the shower. Yeah, I remember Bailey’s. That old dive bar you used to work at. When you were in school, and trying to prove your ‘independence’._

Santana smiled.

_I did prove my independence, Pierce, no need for the quotations. I paid for all my classes that next semester._

_True. I don’t think I’ve ever seen your dad so proud of you. Except for when you came out to him in high school._

Santana tried to think about how to respond. She didn’t want to force the conversation, but she didn’t want it to end. She thought for a few moments, and was about to respond when the phone buzzed again.

_Why are you asking me about Bailey’s?_

_I’m here now, actually. I got on a train and ended up like a block away. Reminds me of old times._

_Getting nostalgic on me, Santana?_

_Probably. :D_

Santana watched the group of dots appear and then disappear a few times. She smiled down at her phone.

_Anyway, I didn’t mean to bother you. Have a good night._

Santana took a few more sips of her beer, and left a tip on the counter, waving to the bartender. She took a detour to the bathroom, and then headed towards the bathroom. As she pushed open the door, she nearly ran into Brittany, who was racing in.

“Oof. Sorry!”

“Brittany? What are you doing here?”

Brittany seemed out of breath, and Santana gave her a moment.

“I-I live near here. I was thinking- I could meet you here before you left.”

“You ran here?”

“Yeah, it’s not far, seriously. Only a couple of blocks.”

“Well… Hi.”

Brittany smiled, and brushed past Santana and went into the bar. She sat down and ordered a beer, thanking the bartender with a smile, and taking a long sip.

“Mmmm, nice.”

Santana sat down beside her and ordered another, shrugging at the bartender’s confused look.

“She, um, decided she liked the place.”

She nodded and went to help some other patrons down the bar.

Santana and Brittany sat in a companionable silence for a few moments. Sipping their beer and watching the patrons drift in and out. Brittany took a few slow sips of her beer. She wasn’t sure why she’d run over to catch Santana before she left. She supposed she was feeling nostalgic as well, but there was more than that. Maybe it was loneliness talking, but after being without her for so long it finally felt good to be _with_ her.

So, for now, she wouldn’t think about it. She wouldn’t try to qualify it, she would just enjoy her company. There was no reason not to. Santana wanted to respect her and give her space, and even though they’d been through so much, Brittany still trusted her.

She sat her beer down with a thump. “I can’t believe we’re still going to clubs and drinking all night.”

Santana laughed. “Well, back in the day we were drinking the cheapest liquor we could find and stuffing ourselves into Kurt and Rachel’s tiny apartment cause we couldn’t afford the cover at most clubs.”

They laughed.

“It was nice. You know? Those days. It’s nice to be nostalgic once in a while. Back when things were simpler. When everything was clear.”

Brittany’s voice trailed off, and Santana knew that she was talking about them. The two of them. Back when Brittana was simpler. When it was just a matter of telling your parents that you were in love with your best friend and then going to glee club and singing about it. Back when she could shimmy up the trellis of the Pierce house, crawl into the window that Brittany never locked, and climb into bed with her, wrapping her arms tight and letting go of all her fears. She’d never doubted for a moment that Brittany would take care of her. And she always thought she’d be there to take care of Brittany.

“Brittany, I-”

Suddenly, the first strains of ‘Gimme More’ blasted out from Brittany’s pocket. She reached in and grabbed it.

“Sorry, Santana, I’ve gotta take this.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

“Hi, Clark!” She said, excitedly, connecting the call and putting the phone up to her ear. “Yeah, yeah. What? Right now?”

Brittany turned slightly towards Santana, but didn’t make eye contact.

“Are you sure? Well, it’s kind of- I’m-” Brittany paused and took a breath. “Give me a second, ok? Thank.”

She finally fully turned to Santana. “Hey, um, sorry, my friend is free, and he wants to hang out, and we missed each other yesterday, so… I don’t mean to ditch you, but I just feel like he’s so busy, and we don’t get to see each other as often as we want…”

Brittany trailed off, hoping Santana would pick up the hint.

“Oh yeah.” Santana waved nonchalantly. “It’s cool. I was getting ready to head out anyway. Go, meet your friend, have fun.”

“Are you sure?”

Santana had never been more unsure of anything in her life, but she’d made a promise to herself. She wasn’t going to get in the way when it came to Brittany. She had to try.

She swallowed hard and nodded. “Yeah, get out of here, have fun.”

Brittany pulled her phone back up. “Ok, I can be outside my place in half an hour. Yeah? Okay, see you then. Bye!”

She smiled and ended the call, hopping off her stool, and pounding back the last of her drink. “Sorry, Santana, I didn’t even know he was going to call.”

“It’s all good. I’ll see you around, okay?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you.” Brittany leaned over, wrapping her arms around Santana in a tight hug.

It was different than their hug before, less desperate, less needy. More comfortable like an old sweatshirt that you got in high school, and still wear on cold days when you want to stay in an binge old kung fu movies. It was a hug that felt like home, and that was a feeling Santana hadn’t had in a long time. She wrapped her arms around Brittany, only loosening after she felt the other woman do so.

“Have a good night, Brittany.”

“Thanks. And Santana?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad that you’re in town.”

Santana smiled. “Me too, Britt.”


	6. February 7, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be honest, not a lot happens in this chapter, but it's getting us to where we want to go, so in that way, it's super important!

February 6, 2017

“Dude, these tickets are primo.”

Sugar sat on her desk, swinging her legs out from beneath her. She and Santana had just come back from lunch (Sugar’s treat, she insisted), and now had just finished the grand tour of the studio. Sugar had been working at Atlantic for about six years, and what she lacked in musical acumen, she more than made up for in producing ability. She’d produced three of the last five albums of the year, and spent more time creating superstars than she ever would have been able to as a singer. 

Santana had to to admit it was a pretty sweet gig. Sugar had a swanky corner office near the top of the building, and it seemed that whatever she wanted, she got. But anyone who was pumping out number ones like Sugar deserved everything she got. She was even doing work on her own label under the umbrella of the company, and bringing in new producers and talent that were doing big things on their on. 

Now, Sugar was bugging her to come along on a date night with her and Jane. It was a ballet, which Santana had gotten into when she was still dating Brittany, but she didn’t really feel like hitting the town. 

“It’s not that the tickets aren’t ‘primo’” Santana said, putting the word in air quotes. “It’s that ballet reminds me of Brittany, and that’s the last thing I need right now.”

“Okay, but have you considered this?” Sugar hopped down from the desk and moved closer to Santana, putting a hand on the chair, and moving in close. “That is  _ exactly _ what you need right now.”

Santana rolled her eyes. “Wow, you’re a debating champion, Sugar. You should be a lawyer.”

“I’m just saying! You two have been apart for longer than you’ve ever been in your entire life. You’ve probably spent months trying not to think about her. To get back into the groove, so to speak, you’ve gotta put her back in your brain, first and foremost.”

“Is that how you explain you and Jane?” Santana said, teasingly.

Sugar scoffed. “No, Jane and I work because I’m more in love with her than anyone I’ve ever loved in my life, and she’s got me wrapped around her finger.”

Santana was taken aback. “That’s a surprisingly self aware comment you made there, friend.”

“Yeah, well, it helps to know when you’re licked.” She waggled her eyebrows. “If you know what I mean.”

“Ew, gross.”

Sugar laughed. “And I can’t help it. I probably tried to play it cool for a total of five seconds, but then she smiled at me, and I’m pretty sure my bones melted and slid out of my body. I’m still not over it. She’s special, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.” Santana said with a sad smile. 

“Anyway, you’ve gotta go with us and see us in our natural element. You know, classing it up. Me in a dress that shows off all my curves, and Jane has these spats that are just divine. And, she likes you, and I like you, so I want you two to get along.”

There was a note of worry in Sugar’s voice, and Santana couldn’t ignore it. This was more than just a case of Sugar taking her out for a night on the town, now that she was in New York and officially active in their circle, Santana suddenly had responsibilities. She’d always been protective of Sugar and Mercedes, and she had to admit, since she’d broken up with Brittany, she hadn’t been as diligent as she should have been. It had always seemed like she was the one who needed the support. It was time that she pulled her weight. 

“Okay, okay, Sugar, I’ll do it.”

Sugar bounced up and down a few times, pumping her fist. “Awesome! I’m going to call Jane right now.” She hopped around her desk, and picked up the phone connecting the call. 

It was a pretty low stakes scenario, all told. She liked Jane too, and getting to see Sugar act normal would be totally worth it. Well, as normal as Sugar could act, probably.

“Hey, babe. Yeah, Santana is here with me now. Yeah, she’s in!” Sugar continued her dance, and winked at Santana. “Yeah? Good, good. All right, I’ll be by later. About four. Well, tell Brittany you’ve gotta leave early. Cause, babe, we didn’t finish what we started last night, and I have about three more positions I want to get you in…”

Santana stood up quickly. “I think I’m going to take my cue, Sugar. Call me before you want to come pick me up from Mercedes’.”

Sugar waved, and turned back to her phone call, and Santana was relieved. As much as she was happy that Sugar had found someone, she still hadn’t reached the point where she wanted to know about her friend’s sex lives any more than was absolutely necessary. 

As the door closed behind Santana, Sugar breathed a sigh of relief. “Yeah, she’s gone now.”

“I don’t know why you had to go the pervy route, Sugar, you could have just asked her to leave.”

“Santana and I have a very particular relationship, babe, you wouldn’t understand. It’s, like, nuanced. Like a sexy tango that’s always going on in our heads.”

“Sexy tango?” Jane said skeptically. 

“Oh, no, not, like, really sexy. Just like a regular tango. You know that tangos are pretty sexy already, so, just like, the requisite amount of sexiness that a tango requires.”

Sugar was relieved hear Jane’s smile in her response. “It’s fine, Sugar.”

“Did you ask Brittany?” 

“Yeah, I asked her on Saturday, remember?”

“Oh, right, I remember. At the Cosmos thing, right?”

“Yes, that you promised to come and volunteer at, by the way.”

“I know, babe, but duty called. I will make it up to you, though.”

“Oh really?”

“Oh, yeah.” Sugar’s voice became low. “I wasn’t kidding about the positions.”

\

If Santana had ever wanted a view of what she and Brittany had most likely looked like in high school, she didn’t have to go any further than hanging out with Sugar and Jane. After the third time of them not being able to carry on a conversation without trying to feel each other up at the table, she’d made Sugar switch seats, and glared at them whenever they lost track of the conversation. 

But other than the early hiccups, she was having a good time. Sugar was right. Jane smoothed out Sugar’s rough edges, and while they weren’t perfect, Santana felt a little nostalgic for a time where she felt so comfortable with another person. 

They’d gone to dinner, and then a car had come to pick them up or the ballet. Santana had insisted on sitting in between the two of them, but once they got to their box, Sugar had put her foot down. 

“C’mon Santana, you can’t keep us away from each other all night. It’s not fair.” Sugar stamped her foot a bit. “You just sit on the outside, and we promise we’ll be good.”

Jane nodded. “I’ll keep her in line, Santana, you can trust me.”

“Fine, ok. Whatever. But, if I look over and I see you two making out, I am dumping ice water on your heads.” 

Box seats at the Metropolitan Opera didn’t come cheap, and apparently they were owned by a friend of Sugar’s dad. He must have been either pretty rich or pretty important because the view was perfect, and the digs could not have been swankier. Santana sunk down in a plush cushion, leaving an empty seat between her and Sugar. She had forgotten how nice it was hanging out with her rich friends. She could certainly get used to this. 

“Seems like a waste not to invite another person, Sugar. You’ve got four seats here, and there’s only three of us. We could have asked Mercedes or something.”

“Well, Mercedes is busy, but I wouldn’t say that the seat went to waste.”

Santana thought for a moment. “What do you mean?”

“Ow!” Sugar squealed. She rubbed her side while looking nervously at Jane. “I mean, nothing.” Her phone buzzed. “I’ve gotta take this San, hang out with the babe, okay?” 

She kissed Jane, and walked up the stairs and out of sight. Jane and Santana enjoyed a few moments together, pointing out interesting patrons that they could see milling about below. 

Then Santana sat back with a sigh. “So, you and Sugar, huh?”

Jane sat back as well and smiled. “Yeah, she’s pretty cool.”

“But, how’d you do it, Jane? I mean, no offence, I love Sug like a sister, but the thought of dating her makes me consider therapy.”

Jane laughed. “Yeah, I’ve heard tell from Mercedes. Apparently, she was pretty bad. And I see it sometimes. With her dad, and people from Lima. But with me she’s just different. I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Well, you must be pretty special to her.”

“It’s not just me, Santana. It’s everybody. It’s Mercedes and it’s her growing up and, well, it’s you and Brittany.”

“Me and Brittany?”

“Yeah. We’ve talked about it. You two were always close in high school. You were best friends. Then you were dating and you lived together… She thought if there was anybody who could make it, it was you two. Then you broke up, and she just kind of decided she didn’t want to wait around for someone. When she fell in love she was going to go all in.”

“And none of this is freaking you out? You’ve only been dating for a couple of months.”

“At first I was a little unsure, yeah, but now I just see it as the way that Sugar is. She doesn’t really take things personally, so I’m free to call her out on it.”

“This is true.”

They shared a laugh, and enjoyed another moment of companionable silence before Sugar’s voice came blasting through the ruckus. 

“Yeah, we’re just down here. I told you, these are primo seats, friend.”

Santana turned just in time to catch sight of Brittany following Sugar towards their box. 

“Surprise?” Jane squeaked. 

Brittany noticed Santana a moment later and turned to glare at Sugar. “Seriously?”

“What?” Sugar said, putting her hands up in surrender. “You both were free, and I had the two seats! I thought you were all buddy buddy now anyway.”

“Yes, Sugar, we are friends, that is all.” 

Santana smiled as Brittany sat down beside her. “Friends, huh? That’s definitely an improvement over last week.” 

Brittany returned the smile easily but before she could respond, her phone started to vibrate. She looked at the screen and turned to Sugar. 

“It’s Clark. Sorry, give me a sec, I’ll be back.”

“Well, hurry up, Britt. The show will start soon.” Sugar whined. 

She was up the stairs like a shot, and Santana stared after her. 

“So, Clark, huh?” Sugar looked at Santana significantly. 

“I don’t know anything about him Sugar, before you ask.”

“Hey, I wasn’t going to ask. The guy is a mystery to me. Seems like a real tool when you get right down to it.”

“How could he be a tool if you don’t know anything about him?”

“I dunno. Just, like, what kind of name is Clark? Lame.”

“Well, she likes him, and you aren’t going to give her a hard time about it.”

“What is this, bizarro world? You can’t tell me that you’re just going to-”

Santana reached over Jane and poked Sugar in the shoulder. 

Hard. 

“I said, you’re not going to say a word, Sugar. Just leave it, okay?” 

Sugar gulped and nodded, but if you asked her girlfriend, she looked more turned on than anything. 

They all attempted to look normal as possible as Brittany bounded down the steps back towards their seats. Santana gave Sugar another significant look as the lights finally went down and the show started. 


	7. February 7, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to lordtubprivateeye who is a godsend and could charge for her brilliance when it comes to getting writers unstuck.

February 7, 2017

“Rise and shine, buttercups!”

Santana groaned as Rachel’s singsong-y voice filled the apartment. 

“Why can’t anybody sleep in in this place? I swear to god.”

The door burst open, and Rachel was standing over the bed a moment later, flipping on lights, and opening curtains. 

“Oh what a beautiful morning! Oh what a beautiful day! I’ve got a beautiful feelin’ everything’s goin’ my waaaaayyyyy!”

Santana threw a pillow at Rachel’s face and was satisfied with the grunt she received in response. 

“I swear on everything that is holy, Berry, if you don’t stop singing, they will never find the pieces.”

Rachel ignored the threat, climbing onto the bed, and then onto Santana, wrapping her up in a hug. “Santana! You haven’t seen me in a year and a half, and this is how you talk to me? Oh, who am I kidding? I can’t stay mad at you.”

“Get. Off. Me. Berry.” Santana growled. 

Rachel complied, but only moved off of Santana directly and sat on the edge of the bed. “Santana, you’d think that you’d be a bit more welcoming. It’s not as if we see each other every day. And I’ve missed you!”

She rubbed Santana’s leg, and moved slightly as Santana kicked at her. 

“I haven’t missed you marching into my room singing show tunes, Berry, so, knock it off.”

“Well, the unasked question is in the air, and I will answer it. My world tour went amazingly. I have a soft spot for all of Asia, but Kyoto will always have a place in my heart.”

Santana slid out of bed, and stumbled out the door. “Mercedes! Mercedes come and get your friend!”

“Of course, Europe was amazing.” Rachel followed Santana out into the hallway, nonchalantly. “We were in England, and Sir Elton John came backstage to see me. He said that it was like watching Barbra live! I couldn’t believe it.”

“Mercedes! I swear if I have to listen to her for another second-”

“And Nairobi! It was amazing, the people, the food, the culture! I loved every minute of it. Highly recommend, do visit.”

Santana stopped dead in her tracks. Mercedes was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee, and scrolling through her phone. She smiled. 

“Morning Santana.”

“”Cedes, you didn’t hear me? I was  _ calling  _ you.”

“Oh, I heard you, but how do you think I woke up this morning? I figured I wouldn’t get in the way of this happy reunion.”

“Mercedes, she was singing. How’d she get in anyway?”

“I made the mistake of giving her a house key last June so she could come check on my plants. My plants died, and she never gave back the key.”

“Excuse me, ladies.” Rachel interrupted. “I don’t appreciate being talked to like I’m not here.”

“Well, Gremlin, if you actually gave a person to be civil in the morning, you wouldn’t have to worry about it. Getting up at the asscrack of dawn is no one’s idea of having fun.”

“Santana, it’s 8:30!”

“Besides, I haven’t had my coffee yet, and you know how pissed off that makes me.”

“Everything makes you pissed off, Santana.”

“Mostly just you.”

“But-” Rachel continued, despite the disruption. “To make it up to you, I’ve brought breakfast from Chez Solara, and yes, they have mimosas.”

Santana looked to where Rachel gestured, and seeing the counter full of food, booze, and most importantly coffee, turned and wrapped Rachel in a hug, kissing her sloppily on the cheek. 

“Santana!”

“Welcome back to the city!”

...

Breakfast was usual. Santana didn’t really want to get into what brought her into the city. To be honest, she wasn’t sure herself yet. The question of what she wanted from Brittany was getting murkier and murkier. She didn’t want to impose herself, but she wanted to show how much she wanted her back. She didn’t want to make things awkward, but she didn’t want to hide how she felt. She had spent much of the night before wracking her trying to figure out what she could offer. But at the moment she was an unemployed transient who had the bad habit of showing up exactly where she wasn’t supposed to be at exactly the wrong moment. Or the right one. It wasn’t that she was completely without a plan though. She’d probably have a place by the end of the week, and she did have some skills and connections that would be useful on the east coast. 

Fortunately for her, Rachel spent most of the time talking about herself, and the tour, of course, and Santana just sat back and drank coffee until she was sharp and then mimosas until she was relaxed again. She tuned out lost in her thoughts, but focused when Rachel mentioned Brittany. 

“So, what’s going on with them, are they getting back together or what?”

“I’m right here, Rachel. If you want to ask something.” Santana murmured. 

Rachel shrugged. “I don’t know, Santana. It is kind of weird that you’ve gone to all this trouble and now you’re pulling back? What was the point of it all?”

Santana took a sip of her drink. “First of all, what happens between me and Brittany is none of your business. And anyway, who said I came out here for her? Maybe I was tired of being on the west coast all by myself. I don’t know if I missed my friends or what. I was just tired of it.”

“You had Kurt, Santana.” Mercedes offered. “And Quinn when she was in town.”

“Yeah, and that was nice. But it wasn’t the same.”

“Aw, Santana, you missed us!” Rachel squealed. 

“I said I missed my friends, Troll.”

“So, I guess that means you’ll be joining us tonight?” Rachel said, ignoring the remark. 

“What are you talking about?”

“Santana, you’ve really got to learn to pay attention. I’m having a welcome back dinner party tonight, and you’re all invited. It starts at seven, so don’t be late and-”

“Pass.”

“Come on, Santana, everybody is going to be there, and it’s going to be fantastic, and I have my chef from the tour who’s going to be making some amazing vegan dishes.”

“Oh, in that case, hard pass.” Santana got up from the table and stomped towards the guest room. “I’m going to shower.”

Rachel sat back in the chair in a huff, and Mercedes patted her arm. “Don’t worry, she’ll come around. She just needs some time to process it. Anyway, when I tell her I’m coming, she’ll be gung ho about the whole thing.” 

“I certainly hope so.” Rachel paused and took a few bites of melon. “Why did she come, Mercedes? I mean, back to New York? If she’s not going after Brittany…”

“She just doesn’t want to admit it, Rachel, but of course Brittany’s the reason she’s here. Things in that department have been a little, um, strained. But they’ve stopped looking like deer caught in the headlights whenever the other one walks into a room, so that’s an improvement, I guess.”

“Then they’re good around each other?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that is a relief because I invited Brittany to the party tonight.”

Mercedes balked. “I really wish you’d run it past me, Rachel.”

“You said they’re fine together!”

“Yeah, but a little heads up would be nice.”

“You’ve always been a tremendous reader of a situation Mercedes, I’ve no doubts in your abilities now.”

“Let’s hope so.”

\

The party was in full swing when Mercedes arrived. She hadn’t expected to be as late as she had, but with the show starting in only a few weeks, rehearsals had started running long, and by the time she got home, showered and changed, it was nearing eight o’clock. She’d been in contact with Santana all night, but around seven thirty, she’d stopped replying to her texts, so either things were going very well, or very poorly. 

She still wasn’t sure which. 

There was definitely a tension in the air as the guy standing near the door took her coat (she at least hoped he worked for Rachel, otherwise, someone just stole her coat), and instead of the laughter and conversation that usually flowed through Rachel’s parties, all Mercedes could hear was music. And Rachel talking, of course, but there would have had to have been a nuclear fallout to stop that. 

She walked down the long corridor, and eyed the small gathering. Jane and Sugar stood near each other in the corner, speaking in low tones. Near them was Rachel, she had cornered some folks that Mercedes vaguely recognized as musicians, and was talking their ear off. On the other side of Jane and Sugar was Santana. She was looking out the window and swirling a drink in her hand. She had the look that she’d always get when she was upset, but she didn’t want anyone to know it. There was no doubt to Mercedes that her glass probably only had water in it. She couldn’t risk getting drunk. 

Mercedes smiled and waved, and made a beeline towards Sugar. There was no point trying to get the story of why everyone was so quiet out of Santana. She’d just clam up and insist she was fine, and that wouldn’t be helpful. 

“What in the hell happened?” She hissed at Sugar. “I’m only 45 minutes late.”

Sugar looked like she wanted to respond but Jane beat her to it, nodding her head towards the kitchen where several more groups were gathered. 

Mercedes followed her gesture, and saw Brittany, standing in the kitchen. She standing close to a man, who had his arm on her shoulder. He seemed like he was trying to cheer her up, but it wasn’t really working. The guy was handsome enough, Mercedes figured, and had a nice smile. She only had one guess to who he could be. 

“The guy she’s seeing?” She tried to keep her voice down, with her back to Santana. 

“Yep.” Sugar said, with a self satisfied grin. “That tall, boring glass of nonfat dairy is what Brittany chose over Santana. Can you even believe it?”

“Oh man. No wonder she’s in such a bad mood. Has she yelled at anybody yet?”

“Nope, and that’s the worst thing. She just saw them come in, said hello and then moved to where she’s at now. I don’t think she’s said a word in half an hour.”

“What was Rachel thinking inviting him?”

“I don’t think she invited him, I think that she invited Brittany, and well…” Jane trailed off. 

“Well, what was Brittany doing bringing him?! Look, I’m glad she’s getting out there, and we all want her to be happy, but was now really the best time to introduce him?”

That line of questioning received a shrug from Jane, and Sugar had already moved on and was nuzzling her girlfriend. Mercedes shook her head and marched towards the kitchen, making a beeline for Brittany. 

“Hey Britt.” 

“Oh, hey, Mercedes. You’re here, I was wondering.”

“Yeah, rehearsal ran long.” She took a long look at Brittany’s companion. “You want to introduce me?”

“Right, yeah.” Brittany said, as though she’d forgotten. “Mercedes, this is my, um, friend, Dr. Clark Gerber. Clark, this is Mercedes.”

Clark stuck out his hand, and Mercedes shook it daintily. 

“I’ve heard so much about you from Brittany, nice to finally meet you. Of course, I’d heard of you before, you’re a tremendous singer.”

Mercedes smiled. “Thank you. I appreciate that. Nice to meet you too.”

“Clark, why don’t you run over and refill our drinks while I gab with Mercedes for a while?”

He smiled and went to the bar. On the way, Rachel caught sight of him, and roped him into her circle, and Brittany seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. 

“Mercedes-”

“Brittany, what the hell, girl? Why would you bring him here? This was supposed to be a chill night for me. You can’t tell me that you thought it was a good idea to bring him to this.”

“I know, Mercedes. But he was with me when Rachel cornered us in the grocery store, and I couldn’t just not invite him. She wouldn’t stop talking about how I should bring someone and he was standing right there, and once I introduced him, it was all over.”

“You’re telling me you introduced him to Rachel before you introduced him to me?!” 

“Well, it wasn’t on purpose, ‘Cedes.”

“We’re just going to mingle, and then we’re going to hit the road, I promise.”

Mercedes didn’t look satisfied. “Have you talked to Santana yet?”

“No.” Brittany looked down at her toes. 

“Well, there you go.”

They looked at each other for a moment longer. Mercedes couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed in Brittany. She’d known her a long time, and had never known her to be callous. But bringing her new beau along seemed thoughtless, even for Brittany. She was just about to tell her so when something over her shoulder caught Brittany’s attention. Mercedes turned and saw Santana put down her drink, and walk out the door, and onto Rachel’s balcony. She was about to follow when Brittany put a hand on her arm. 

“Let me.”

“Are you sure, Britt?”

“Yeah, I’ve got it. If you hear screaming just ignore it until one of us throws the other over the side.” Brittany took a few steps towards the door, but stopped, grabbing a jacket off of a nearby chair, and turned back towards Mercedes. 

“Keep Clark busy for a few minutes, will you?”

“I’ll do my best.”

Brittany nodded, and was out the door. 

Santana stood with her back towards the door, and was leaning over the railing. Brittany shivered. It was still pretty cold in the city these days, but luckily, it was a clear night and not windy. She took a few steps forward then thought better of it, and cleared her throat. 

Santana turned quickly, her eyes wide. “What are you doing out here?”

“I thought I’d come check on you. Just in case.” She offered the jacket to Santana who made no move to take it. 

“Well, I’m not going to throw myself off the side if that’s what you’re worried about. I just came out here to get some air.” Santana turned her back to Brittany, and leaned again. 

Brittany closed the distance between them, and draped the jacket around Santana’s shoulders. “It’s freezing out here, Santana, and that dress, while looking amazing on you, does little to keep you warm.” 

“I don’t get you, Britt.” Santana said, shrugging the coat off of her shoulders. “You come here with your new boyfriend, and you two are all lovey dovey, now you’re flirting with me?”

Santana’s voice was measured, but Brittany could hear the uncertainty underneath the surface. It was a waver that was slight, and would have been missed only by someone who hadn’t loved Santana like Brittany did. To be honest, she wasn’t feeling to clear on the situation herself. She was there with Clark, of course, but for the past hour, she couldn’t stop thinking about Santana. She couldn’t stop wondering if she was okay, or what she needed. Somehow she hated that she wasn’t that person anymore that could give it to her. It wasn’t fair of her, of course. Santana was right. But she couldn’t help the way she felt. 

“I-I’m not flirting. I’m just stating a fact.” Her voice shook, and even to Brittany’s ears it sounded fake. “Anyway, Clark and I are not dating. We’re just friends.”

“Hmm.” 

The noise that Santana made conveyed all of her disdain and skepticism, but Brittany couldn’t outright refute it, so she left it alone. 

“That still doesn’t change the fact that it’s cold out here, and you should come inside.”

“I prefer it out here.”

“Santana, it’s not-”

“Brittany, I am losing it here.” Santana’s voice was low, but firm. “I am not someone who needs to be taken care of. I’m not an invalid. I can make decisions on my own, and if I want to stay out here, then I will.”

“So, you’re going to keep up with the temper tantrum because you can’t stand to see me with anyone else?”

“It’s not-” Santana took a deep breath to steady herself. “It’s not a temper tantrum. Am I frustrated? Yes. But, I am dealing with my feelings like a rational human being. But I can’t be around you right now.”

“Me? What did I do?”

“Brittany, I didn’t come here because I like the city, I came here because of you! I came here because I wanted you, and I wanted to be with you. You made it clear that it’s not what you wanted right now, and I can respect that, but you can’t expect me to walk around like nothing is happening. I’m a person, okay? I need time to deal.”

“Santana, we’re your friends, we can help you deal.”

“You weren’t just my friend, Britt. You were my life! I love you, and that never changed. I just want to do right by you, okay? That’s all I want on this planet. I fucked up, royally, and I’m dealing with that, and my issues, but I can’t take a battle on every front.”

There was a note of defeat in Santana’s voice, and every fiber of Brittany strained to comfort her. There was a flash of the conflict again. She had no right to comfort Santana. Not anymore. Did she?

She was at a loss, but Santana broke the silence, bending down to pick up the coat and handing it back to Brittany who took it wordlessly. 

“Look, I’m going to try really hard, okay? I’m just going to try. But, I want…” She trailed off for a moment, as if she didn’t know the answer herself. “I just want us to be happy. I want you to be happy.” 

With that, she went back inside. 


	8. February 8, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nevertheless, she persisted.

February 8, 2017

“It’s only been a week.”

Santana had been making the most of Mercedes home gym and might have tuned out with on the elliptical when her friend appeared beside her. 

She faltered for a moment, and then regained her composure. “Huh?”

“I just meant, I wouldn’t take what happened last night too personally. It’s only been a week since you’ve been back. Not even that. You’ve got to give her some time.”

“Yeah.” Santana ran a hand through her hair. “And if it were just a matter of avoiding her until we both had time to settle into the idea, then I’d say you were right. But I’ve seen her every day since I got to this stupid city. My best friends are her best friends. It’s like I can’t avoid her.”

“I’m not happy about what she pulled last night, but she wasn’t wrong. She’s dating the guy, if Rachel didn’t say not to bring him, why wouldn’t she? You two broke up remember?”

“Geez, Mercedes, nice to know who’s side you’re on.”

“I’m not on anybody’s side, Santana. Or, I’m on both your sides. I know you like to think the world hasn’t stopped turning since you moved away, but who’s shoulder do you think Brittany was crying on when you stopped returning her calls? Who do you think went over to help her put her Ikea furniture together and had her over for movie night on snowy days? Who do you think I called when I kicked Sam out for the third time-”

“And finally came to your senses?”

“And finally came to my senses.” Mercedes repeated with a half smile. “Brittany has been here with all of us for as long as I’ve needed her and she’s done the same for me. She’s not just your ex, Santana, she’s our friend.”

Santana slowed the machine to a stop. “You’re right, Mercedes, I’m sorry.” She mumbled. 

“I know you love her, Santana, and I know you want her back, but you’ve got to think about what she gets out of the whole deal. How’s getting back with you going to improve her life? What do you have to offer?”

Mercedes let the question hang in the air, and Santana seemed to think about it. 

“I dunno, I mean, I’m currently unemployed, though I do have a meeting tomorrow with a friend of Kurt’s over at Vogue.”

“You’re not really building yourself up here, kid.”

“I’m living with you. I probably have nothing valuable to my name.”

“Riiiight, but maybe you could try to be more positive.”

“And-” She continued, ignoring Mercedes. “Only six short months ago, I called her every name in the book, hung up on her, and broke her heart.”

“Ouch.”

“I’m an asshole.”

Mercedes walked around the machine, handing Santana a towel. “Yeah, probably. But, the thing about being an asshole, and knowing you’re an asshole is that now you can try and do something about it.”

“What can I do, Mercedes? She knows I’m a fuck up. She knows she can’t trust me. She’s actively dating someone. I don’t know if there’s much of a chance anymore.”

“Oh, come on, that doesn’t sound like you, Santana. You and I both know you’ll never stop loving that woman, and she’ll never stop loving you. You have plenty to offer, but that’s it most of all. If you want her, if you really think you deserve her, you’re going to have to show her how you feel. That’s what brought you out here! That was the fire under your butt that finally got you on that plane! I’m not quite sure how you got disillusioned so easily, quite frankly.”

“Poor plot development?”

Mercedes laughed. “This is your romantic comedy, Santana. You make it what you want. And if you want Britt, then you should show her that.”

Santana smiled and jumped down off the elliptical. “Well, where is the room for comical misunderstandings if we just talked to each other?”

“I’d think at this point in your life you’d want to cut down on the misunderstandings.”

“Fair.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I think-” Santana thought about it for a second. “I think I’m going to take her out on a date.”

\

Jane wasn’t sure how she got caught up in this whole thing. She loved Sugar (wow, she’d never thought about the L word before, and now it was popping up. She’d have to deal with that later), but her friend drama was moving over from entertaining to all encompassing. She’d heard about some of the near incestual relationships that had happened while they had been in high school, but this was getting ridiculous. Brittany (her boss) would be arriving to her office any minute, and her ex, Santana Lopez, had burst inside and was waiting for her. Granted, Jane hadn’t really tried to keep Santana out of the office. She rather wanted to see the two of them end up together. She hadn’t known what to make of Santana at first, but the way that Brittany looked at her was unmistakable. There was definitely something real there. 

But the two of them kept passing each other like ships in the night, and it would take an iceberg of gigantic proportions to stop them. That’s why she hadn’t put up much of a fight. She thought Clark seemed like a good enough guy. But he was tall and blonde, and blander than any doctor Jane had ever met. The way they interacted seemed more like siblings than lovers, and anybody could see that. Well, except maybe for Santana. 

So, when Brittany burst through the office  door a moment later, she just smiled politely, and gathered her things, which she’d already laid out in her lap. 

“Hey, Boss, I’m heading out a little early. I’ve got a thing with Sug. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She was out of the door like a flash and only registered a brief wave before she was gone. She just hoped Santana could take it from there. 

For her part, Brittany was only slightly confused. She figured that it would take an act of god to keep Sugar and Jane from each other if one of them put out a call, but it was only fifteen minutes from the time she normally left work, so what was the rush? Brittany checked the inbox that she kept on Jane’s desk, and took out the correspondence, shuffling through it as she walked into the office. 

“Hey Britt.”

The voice was low, and Brittany would have recognized it anywhere, but she still jolted, spilling envelopes all over the floor. Santana was sitting on the arm of one of her office chairs, wearing a pair of overalls that she’d owned since 10th grade, and still, somehow, managed to look smoking in. 

“Dammit.” Brittany said, bending down to pick up the envelopes. 

“Sorry about that. I just thought I’d wait in here for you, and Jane said that I could.” Santana grabbed a few of the letters, and handed them to Brittany sheepishly. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” Brittany rounded her desk, and laid the papers there, grabbing her bag. “What’s up, Santana? I thought you needed some space.”

“Yeah. I did. I mean, I do. Kind of.” 

Santana balled her hands up nervously, and Brittany had to focus on stuffing her papers into her bag. This was the nervous Santana that she wanted to kiss into confidence. It didn’t always work, but they’d always enjoyed the kissing. She shook herself out of the memory. 

“Kind of?”

“Right. Can we talk? For a second?”

Brittany was worried but she put down her bag and had a seat. “Sure.”

“Thanks. Um, before we start, I just want you to know that if there’s anything you don’t want to answer, or don’t want to talk about, that’s fine. I totally understand. Just tell me to stop and I’ll stop.”

“Should I use our safe word?” Brittany smiled, but a moment later it faltered. “Sorry, sorry, old habits.”

“It’s ok.” Santana grinned. “I just want you to be comfortable.”

“Got it. Thank you.”

“Um, so, I’d like to take you out.”

There was a moment that passed between them, and no one said anything. 

Santana backpedaled. “I mean, if you and Clark are exclusive, that’s fine. Or if you just don’t want to go.”

“That’s not it, Santana-”

“It’s just that…” Santana took a deep breath. “I came here for you, Britt. I realized how much I’d screwed up, and how much you meant to me, and I just want to show you that. I want you to know. Then you can make your decision. I just want you to know that it’s not because I was lonely, or because I was horny or anything like that, it was because I was looking at my life, and remember how good it felt to have you in it, and how much I took you for granted. So, keep seeing Clark if that’s what you want, but I hope you can find some time for me.”

Brittany was speechless for a moment, and Santana rushed to fill that silence. 

“Mercedes asked me what I have to give to you, and I’ve tallied it, for sure, it’s not much. But, I can promise you that even with everything that’s happened, I still love you with my whole heart, Britt. I just need to prove it to you. Let me take you out tonight.”

There was no hesitation this time. 

“Ok, Santana. Let’s go out.”

The smile that spread on Santana’s face assured Brittany she’d made the right decision. 

“Really? Awesome!” She did a little dance, but caught herself, and smoothed her pants. “Get your coat. I hijacked Rachel’s car. It’s not like she uses it anyway, she’s always getting driven around-”

“We’re going now? And you’re wearing that? Don’t get me wrong. I love you in your overalls. It’s the only time you look like you’re going down to Home Depot later to pick up some wood for the deck your building.”

Santana looked down at her clothes. “Well, yeah, I guess I’m a little dressed down, but it’s perfect for tonight.”

“Well, good. Where are we going?”

Santana smiled slyly, waggling her eyebrows. “Trust me.”

…

“Green Valley Mall?”

Brittany looked out the window as Santana pulled into a parking lot. Her response was more awe than anything, she didn’t know the place was still standing. 

“Yep. Remember, we used to come over here when we were broke and try on clothes and eat junk food?”

“We’d finish class and catch the subway all the way out to Long Island.” Brittany laughed. “We were so poor.”

“I figured this was low stakes. Anyway, if you get tired and want to go home, I can drop you off.” Santana jiggled the keys. “Sound good?”

“I think I can handle that.”

Brittany’s phone chirped in her pocket, and Santana tried not to notice how she took the phone out of her pocket, slid it into silent mode, and put it back.


	9. February 9, 2017

February 9, 2017

It was exactly midnight when Santana snuck back into the house. She hadn’t really felt this way since they’d been in high school, and would go over to Puck’s for a kegger on a Saturday night, getting home on a few hours before dawn. Sometimes she’d Puck bring her back in his old truck. They’d sit in front of the house, and he’s slip a hand under her dress, and she’d make all the required sounds at the required moments, and when she got home, she’d take a shower and then eat her weight in doritos. It wasn’t Puck. Even if he wasn’t the best in bed, he always tried to make sure she was comfortable. He just couldn’t have known she was a gigantic lesbian. When she realized that Brittany was amenable, she started asking her for rides home. Sometimes they would stay in the car, but more often than not Santana would invite her in. They learned that if they were really quiet, they could get away with quite a bit. And instead of spending the night feeling like she needed a shower, she would cuddle with Brittany, desperate to make the night last forever.

She probably didn’t need to sneak in Mercedes’ place, but it was late, and her friend got busy pretty early in the morning. Not to mention, she and Brittany had stopped at a bar on the way home. They’d had to abandon Rachel’s car, and Uber home, but she was pretty trashed.

She stumbled out of her shoes, and walked barefoot across the foyer. It took her a moment to register as she passed by the couch that it was occupied, and the TV was on full blast. She paused to looked at the TV, noting the show.

“Ooooh, Living Single! Thasss my fave! Oh hey, Mercedes!”

Mercedes rolled her eyes, and Rachel only giggled. “A good night, I presume, Santana?”

“Yeah, Santana, you look like you emptied out the bar.”

Santana leaned over the back of the couch, between the two of them, and slid, upside down into the cushions.

Santana sleepily smiled.  “It was amaaaaazing. She was so perfect. I mean, she’s always perfect, right? But she was even more perfect tonight, and I love her so muuuuuch, you guys.”

“And was her perfection amplified by the all the shots you took or…” Rachel asked.

“Shuddup, Berry. I won’t have you talk about my lady like that. Or me for that matter.”

“I wouldn’t have to Santana if you didn’t come back reeking of bottom shelf vodka.”

“Hey!” Santana, doing her best to flip herself over, failing and draping her legs loosely over Rachel’s body. “Hey! Only top shelf stuff for my Brittany.”

“She took it well, I guess?” Mercedes said, before Rachel could get going again.

“I think she had a good time. I mean, I really hope so.” She wiggled around until her head was in Mercedes lap. “I mean, it’s been a long time, and I feel like I still remember what she’s like when she’s happy. How could I forget that, right?”

Mercedes patted Santana’s head reassuringly. “I’m sure you didn’t.”

“Riiiiiiight?”

Santana’s voice had taken on a slightly whiny quality, and Mercedes worried that she might start crying soon. Santana was a weepy drunk, and Brittany seemed to be the only person on the planet who could mitigate it.

She slid from under Santana, and stood up, folding the blanket that had been covering her legs, and tugging on Santana’s arm.

“C’mon Lady Drinks-a-lot, we’ll get you to bed. You know, you really can’t hold your liquor like you used to.”

“It’s because we old, ‘Cedes. You and me and we and her…” Santana gestured towards Rachel. “Is old, alright? We’re dealing with some advanced… advanced elderliness, and we’re not getting any younger!”

“Excuse me-” Rachel started, but Mercedes shushed her quickly.

“C’mon, let’s get you to bed.”

Mercedes dragged/walked Santana down the hall, and handed her some clothes to change into.

“So,, what did she say?”

Santana plopped on the bed, holding the pajamas close to her chest. “She’s not sure. Not yet, not about anything. But she’s willing to meet me halfway on somethings. She’s willing to hang out. She’s willing to talk. It’s not perfect, but it’s better than it was. We’re talking, and putting things out on the table.”

“That’s good.”

“Yes! And Mercedes, Mercedes, Mercedes.” She tried to focus on Mercedes, failed, shook her head and tried again. “I think she’s starting to remember. Like, how things were before I messed- messed- fucked it all up. Do you know what I said to her, Mercedes? When we were fighting?”

Mercedes shook her head.

“I said it was an all act. This ‘being smart’ thing. I told her she’d head out here, and they’d figure her out and she’d be crawling back to me to take care of her, the way that I had when we were kids.”

Mercedes was shocked. She wasn’t sure she’d ever heard Santana talk to Brittany that way.

“And, you know what? Even then, we both knew it was a lie. I help Brittany with homework and sometimes took the heat from Sue, but when things were really spirling and I was at my lowest, Brittany took care of **me**.” She stabbed at her chest with her finger.

“She took care of me and never asked for anything, just that I keep loving her, and somehow I forgot that.”

Mercedes came and sat beside her on the bed. “If anybody can look past that, it’s Brittany.”

“I know, but I’m not done yet. I’ve still got time, and I’ve gotta make the most of it, you know?” “

“Yeah.”

“Now, get out of here so I can change, you perv. I don’t want you getting any ideas after you see me in my cute underwear.”

“Yeah right, Santana. You never have and never will be my type.”

“Goodnight Mercedes. I love you.”

“Love you too, San. Get some sleep.”

\

Brittany rushed down the hall. Her class started almost ten minutes before, and she was trying not to give her students a chance to leave. Hanging out at the mall the night before had been fun. It was just like old times. It reminded her of when they were younger and freer and there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that they would be taking care of each other for the rest of their lives. It didn’t hurt that they’d drank so much afterwards that Brittany had nearly forgotten her reservations, thrown her up on the counter, and went down on her right on the bar.

Santana was still so hot.

But because of that drunken excitement, she’d woken up late that morning (with a massive hangover), and nearly missed her first class. Luckily, Jane had called to ask where she was and she barely had time to shower, dress and brush her teeth before she was in a cab and on her way to campus. She could have taught the class in her sleep, but, she had to admit, it helped to not look like she’d slept in a dumpster the night before if she wanted to make a good impression on her students. She was lucky that most of them liked her.

She burst through the room, doing her best to keep a handle on the papers that were threatening to spill out of her messenger bag, and slamming her things on her desk.

“Sorry about that, class, I was a little busy this morning, but I’m here, and no, you’re not excused.” She flipped on the computer, and waited for the din of conversation to fade. “If you remember last week we were talking about Pearson’s Quantum Horizon Theory and how it pertains to-”

She stopped.

She’d looked up from her computer, and noticed that every single student in her 200+ Quantum Theory 1 class was holding a single red rose.

Brittany furrowed her brow. “What is going on? Is the student council selling flowers or something?”

Suddenly the class started humming. She was about to ask what was happening again, but the strains seemed familiar. It was _Teenage Dream_ by Katy Perry.

There was a weird moment of dissociation when Brittany wondered if she was so hungover she’d only dreamt she’d gotten ready for class. When in fact, she was still at home, sleeping. She pinched herself, but the strangeness continued. She was ready to smack herself awake when a door behind her opened.

 _You think I'm pretty without any makeup on_  
_You think I'm funny when I tell the punch line wrong_  
_I know you get me_  
_So I'll let my walls come down, down_  
_Before you met me_  
_I was alright, but things were kinda heavy_  
_You brought me to life_ _  
_ Now every February, you'll be my Valentine, Valentine

Santana emerged from the door, holding another rose and singing. When she got to the next lines, she pointed, and a group of girls stood up.

 _Let's go all the way tonight_  
_No regrets, just love_  
_We can dance until we die_ _  
_ You and I, we'll be young forever

A group of boys got up and started dancing around, and Santana took the chorus.

 _You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream_  
_The way you turn me on_  
_I can't sleep_  
_Let's run away and don't ever look back_  
_Don't ever look back_  
_My heart stops when you look at me_  
_Just one touch_  
_Now baby, I believe this is real_  
_So take a chance and don't ever look back_ _  
_ Don't ever look back

As the chorus finished, Santana threw her hands in the air, and everyone cheered. Brittany had to admit it was kind of impressive. Santana jogged towards her, and breathlessly handed her the rose. She kissed her on the cheek.

“They were awesome, right?! We only got to work on it for, like, half an hour. You guys did great!”

This brought out another cheer, and they all seemed pretty proud of themselves.

“I figured you’d be here sooner, so it actually gave us some extra time. Anyway, I know you’re meeting with Clark later, and I just wanted you to know, you know, all that.”

She kissed Brittany on the cheek again, and waved to the class. “See you nerds later. You lucked out with the best teach on campus, you know that right?”

The class cheered again, and waved to Santana as she went. Brittany stood in shocked silence another moment before running after her, followed by a chorus of “ooooooooh”s.

“Santana, wait!” Brittany still held the rose to her chest, and stopped short before she reached Santana. “Wait a second, that was amazing.” Her voice held a note of awe.

“Well, when you’ve got a talent like mine…” She smiled. “I’m kidding, Britt. They’re good kids. They all love you. Like, every single one. I’ve never seen anything like it before.”

Brittany was desperately not trying to fall into the pit of tenderness that she felt towards Santana at that moment. It clouded her judgement, made her nervous, and there was still the niggling voice in the back of her head that couldn’t shake off the fear that she’d felt whenever she talked to Santana only a few short months ago.

But she almost couldn’t help it.

Santana made to turn again. “Britt, have fun with your class, okay? I’ll see you later.”

Brittany reached out her hand again. “Santana-”

“Yeah, Brittany?”

“Does this count as a date for today? Our date for today?”

“Do you want it to?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Then it is.” Santana gave a bright smile to Brittany, her eyes full of hope. “It is if you want it to be.”

“Thanks, Santana.”

“Have a good day, Britt.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It wouldn't be Glee without a musical number.


	10. February 10, 2017

February 10, 2017

“ _ Teenage Dream _ ?! How cheesy is that?” Sugar put her head on her desk as she laughed. “You are so lame.”

“Laugh all you want, Sugar.” Santana said. “But I’m doing the most romantically epic lead up to Valentine’s Day that anyone has ever seen. Meanwhile, your girlfriend is noticing. Do you really think your Sugar Motta brand Valentine’s gift will suffice? Good luck getting lucky any time in the foreseeable future.”

Sugar stopped laughing and her eyes darted quickly from side to side. A moment later the realization that Santana was probably telling the truth hit her. 

“Goddammit, Lopez.”

Santana stuck out her tongue at Sugar. “Anyway, I didn’t come here to regale you with stories about how I’m sweeping Brittany Susan Pierce off her feet, which I totally am, I came here to tell you about my interview with Vogue.”

“Oh yeah.” Sugar said, absently fiddling with the knobs of the gigantic control board that sat in the corner of her office. “How’d that go?”

“Well, you know I was working at that advertising firm for a while out in LA. It was probably the one job out of all the temp ones that I actually liked. I figure I’ve got an eye for knowing what people want. Sex sells, all that.”

“Are you going to get a job being one of those ladies that lounges on Ferraris and stuff?” Sugar said dreamily. “I’m actually kind of getting into the idea.”

Santana snapped her fingers a few times in Sugar’s direction. “Snap out of it, Sugar, that is a hundred percent  **not** what’s going on.”

“Seems like a waste.” She said in a sing song voice. 

“Anyway, I met with their head of PR, cause Kurt’s got the hookup, and they’ve got a spot for me! I start next week.”

Sugar clapped her hands excitedly. “Congrats! We’ll have to have a party! I’ll invite everybody, and we’ll get Daddy’s yacht brought up from Jersey and hit the bay!”

“No, no, that’s not necessary, Sugar. Super baller, but not necessary. Just in case, keep it in your back pocket.”

Sugar nodded excitedly. 

“But, in the meantime, I’m seeing Brittany again tonight.”

Sugar cocked her head to the side. “Isn’t it weird? Brittany seeing you and that guy at the same time?”

“I dunno, I don’t think about it.” Santana shrugged. “I mean, it’s not like they’re married or something. And as far as Mercedes knows they’ve only been on a handful of dates. Anyway, we don’t talk about it.”

“You’re not worried that it might become an issue? He can’t be happy that the woman he’s seeing is seeing her ex at the same time.”

“Are you trying to stress me out, Sugar?”

“No, sorry, my bad. Just something to think about.”

“I spend most of my time trying not to think about it, so... “

“Fair. So, what have you got planned for today?”

“It’s a surprise, but Mercedes is helping me out.” She began ticking points off on her fingers. “Mercedes is my number one on this project. She knows people, she’s hella rich, and she’s strangely invested in seeing us back together.”

Sugar huffed. “I am all those things. Why didn’t you ask me?”

“Because, unlike you Sugar, Mercedes can keep a secret. I tell you, and the next thing you know you’re giggling about it with Jane in front of Brittany’s office. Though I probably could have counted on Jane to keep you quiet.”

Sugar smiled wistfully. “Yeah, she’s good at shutting me up. She’s got this thing she does with her tongue-”

“No, no, no. I am not hearing that. I am not listening to it. I rebuke it.” Santana plugged her fingers in her ear. 

“Fine, but the girl is hot, Santana.”

Santana shuddered a few times. She and Sugar had known each other too long. It was like she was little sister to her. The last thing she wanted to hear about was Sugar’s sex life. She was curious about her relationship with Jane. 

“How’d you two meet, anyway? Like, what was the thing about her that made you pay attention?”

“Brittany hired her. She’s working on her MBA full time, and she’s been supporting herself since high school. Her parents kicked her out when they found out she was gay, so she paid her way through undergrad, and now she’s doing it again. Then Brittany met her at a mentor function, and basically hired her on the spot. You know Britt, Santana, she hates having people work for her, but she’s been without an assistant for so long, and things were piling up. The last one the school sent quit after a week because Brittany kept calling him in and drawing on him with markers.”

Santana laughed. She’d been the subject of that treatment once or twice. Brittany said it helped with her process, but Santana just thought it was a way to alleviate boredom. 

“So, how’d Brittany know that Jane would stick around?”

“I think I figured that out pretty early. Jane doesn’t take shit from anybody, but she works harder than any person I’ve ever seen. She’s got this laser focus, and when she decides she wants to do something, she goes for it. It’s super impressive.”

“I can see that. She’s got a good head on her shoulders.”

“I get it, but I don’t really, I guess? I’ve never had to really work hard for anything. The producing, it comes pretty easily to me, and the money and perks are great, but I know that I can drop it whenever I want, and I wouldn’t be destitute. Jane won’t even let me pay for her school. I really wanted to, you know? I told her I’d love to let her be able to work less, and spend more time with me. But she wants to do it for herself, she wants to have the pride that comes with it. And at first I didn’t understand it, but I’m starting to more and more.”

“That’s really cool, Sugar.”

“Can I tell you something I haven’t even told Mercedes yet?”

“Always.” Santana said, conspiratorially. 

“I’m gonna to ask her to move in with me. I got a key made and everything. My daddy bought the place as a rental property a few years ago, so it’s all paid off. I think she’ll be fine with it. Rent is so expensive here anyway.” 

“What do you think she’ll say?”

“I dunno. That’s probably why I haven’t asked her yet. Hell, I haven’t even told her I love her yet, but I’ve thought it a hundred times.”

“You’ve got it bad, Sug.”

“Right?!” Sugar sighed, stood up and stretched. “She’s, like, the best thing in my life right now. Besides you guys, of course.”

“Want my advice?”

“Always.” Sugar echoed. 

Santana laughed. “I think you should just tell her how you feel. I think she might surprise you. Now, I’m not saying she’ll move in with you tomorrow, but I’ve talked with her. I know that she likes you. Which is a mystery to me, because I’ve known you for years, and I can barely stand you.”

“Oh please, Santana. If it weren’t for me, Brittana would never of existed.”

“How do you figure that?” Santana scoffed. 

“Um, it was my planning of the Valentine’s Day thing at the Sugar Shack that got you guys making out on the dance floor. Hello?”

“Do you really think that was the first time we made out? That wasn’t even the first time we made out in front of other people.”

“Ah, but it was the first time you’d made out in front of other people as girlfriends.”

Santana looked like she wanted to argue, but she let Sugar have it. “Fine.” 

“Does that mean that you’re going to tell me about your date plans for tonight?”

Santana slung her bag over her shoulder. “Nope! But, you have reminded me that I should head out. You’ll hear all about it from Mercedes at some point, I’m sure.”

“Whatever.” Sugar pouted. 

Santana put an arm around her neck, and pulled Sugar towards her, semi-roughly. “You know you love it, nerd.” She planted a kiss on the top of Sugar’s head, and released her. 

“See ya later.”

“See you, Santana, good luck.”

Sugar went back to her desk, and pulled open a drawer. Her house key sat inside, wrapped in a red ribbon. She eyed it for a few moments, and then closed the drawer with a sigh. 

\

Santana sat nervously in the darkened apartment. She’d lit a few candles, to add to the atmosphere, but most of the lights were coming from the billboards and other apartments outside. The room was almost empty, save for what Santana had brought. She was glad though, it’d made things a lot easier to get set up. As she sat there, listening to the rattle of the chair as she wiggled her leg, she was wavered constantly between being elated, and texting Brittany and telling her not to come. This was probably her grandest gesture yet. She had gone back to the list of dates that she’d come up with when this all seemed like a good idea. She’d come up with the list on her way to NY, sitting next to an old couple who looked more in love than ever. She wanted to be that couple with Brittany one day, and in the meantime, she wanted to wow her.

The list was overly romantic, and a little excessive, but she’d decided to go on with it anyway, because a bad plan was better than no plan at all. Which is what brought her to tonight. To their first apartment away from Rachel and Kurt. Granted, she’d loved living with Kurtchel (something that she’d never admit to anyone out loud), she always felt at home with them, even when they were driving each other crazy. This was why, as much as she gave Rachel a hard time, she wouldn’t have wanted to be in the city without her. 

But the apartment she stood in now, it was different. It was the place where she and Brittany finally felt like they could be themselves. It was also the place where more than once one of them had surprised the other one naked or wearing some very, very risky lingerie. Santana smiled at the memory, then shifted in her seat when she thought of what came immediately after. 

She had worn pretty sexy lingerie, but it was under the dress she’d chosen for the night (red, Brittany always loved her in red). She’d curled her hair so that it tumbled over her shoulders, framing her face. She had put a lot of effort into pretending that she hadn’t tried, but a part of her really wanted to impress Brittany. Everyday closer to Valentine’s Day felt like another day closer to some important deadline. She couldn’t explain it, but there it was. She’d set the goalpost in her head, and now there was no changing, it wasn’t for lack of trying though. 

A ding on the elevator alerted her to company, and she stood up, rubbing her hands over the dress a few times. She’d told Brittany that there was a surprise at this address, and to show up at eight, but beyond that, she hadn’t said much. A part of her wanted to play this as close to her chest as possible. Especially since she had only recently been thinking about cancelling the whole thing. She opened the hall door, and peered down. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw Brittany step out of the elevator. She hadn’t told her to dress up, but as always, Brittany was a vision. She wore blue (the color that Santana said always made her eyes sparkle), with her hair down. 

Santana waved her her from the doorway. “Hey! I’m here.”

“What is all this, Santana? I figured we’d be going out to dinner or something.” Brittany said, suspiciously. 

“Well, that’s kind of it. I mean, we are out, and we’ll be having dinner. But, it’s more than that.”

Brittany came to a stop in front of the doorway, and looked at Santana seriously. “You know how I feel about surprises, Santana.”

“Yes, you love them.”

“That’s pretty accurate, actually.” Brittany laughed. “But on top of that, I like to know what they are as soon as possible.”

“I can help you out with that.” Santana stepped into the apartment, out of Brittany’s way, adjusting the dimmer to give them both a better view. “Voila.”

Brittany stepped into the room and gasped. Lined along the walls were hundreds of pictures of the two of them. Some were just Brittany and Santana, some had friends from high school or college. Some had Brittany’s little sister, Ashley, or Santana’s parents. They covered the walls and showcased every single era of their life since the moment they’d first met, in dance class together in middle school. 

Brittany walked to the nearest wall and touched the corner of a photo. It was the two of them, plus Mercedes and Sugar when they’d broken off from the main group and formed their own glee club, the Troubletones.

In the picture, they stood on stage, their faces bathed in spotlight glow, holding their arms high as they finished a musical number. Brittany still remembered that night, the roar of the crowd, the feeling of invincibility. Also, the feeling that for the first time in a long time, they were actually being seen, instead of just fading into the background. She smiled to herself. 

“This is amazing, Santana.” Brittany gestured to the room. 

Santana reached out a hand to her. “It’s just the beginning. Come on.”

Brittany was surprised how quickly her hand reached out for Santana. She was worried that she might have hesitated, or thought too long, but as soon as she saw Santana’s hand reached out to her, her own moved of it’s own volition. She didn’t even have to think about it. The part that might have worried her was quickly shushed, and shoved to the back of her brain. Her hand fit into Santana’s just like it used to. Their fingers intertwined. She felt like she was home. 

“Oh! Sorry.” Santana fumbled in her other pocket, pulling out a tiny remote. She hit a button and after a few moments the first strains of ‘I Second That Emotion’ began to play. 

Brittany grinned. Santana had spent a few weeks one summer crafting what she called the perfect Motown playlist for her, and she sometimes still listened to it on repeat. This song was one of her favorites. 

“I thought we could take a tour, enjoy some amazing music and…” She gestured towards the table she had set up in the corner. “Have some dinner afterwards. It’s this Italian place called Carmine’s. Sugar raves about it, but it probably won’t be as good as Breadstix.”

“I’ll try to keep an open mind.” Brittany laughed. 

Santana tugged on Brittany’s hand, and lead her to another wall. “I guess we should start at the beginning of our Brittana journey. Middle school.”

Brittany settled into the warmth of Santana’s hand, and smiled again. “Let’s go, then.”


	11. February 11, 2017

February 11, 2017

“Blark?”

“Sugar, are you having a stroke?”

“No, Mercedes, I’m trying to think of a ship name for Brittany and Clark. Blark makes me sound like I’m kind of throwing up, so I’m feeling that one. I think it accurately represents how I feel when I think about the two of them together.”

Mercedes laughed as she poured some popcorn into a bowl. “That’s an amazing idea.”

It was monthly game night at Mercedes, and she was looking forward to it. With all the drama happening, she was glad to have a night with her girls. It had been a tradition since college, if they were all in the city, they wanted to make time for each other, and this was the easiest way. Sometimes it was so easy to feel disconnected in New York, she wanted to make sure they didn’t drift apart.

She and Sugar were in the kitchen, while she put the finishing touches on the dinner she’d made for everyone. While she putted around the stove, Sugar sat on the other side of the counter, supposedly keeping her company.

Mercedes turned to stir her homemade chowder.“What game did you bring tonight, Sug? Sug? Sugar?”

Mercedes turned and caught Sugar gazing into the other room. No doubt watching Jane who had been cornered by Rachel.

She snapped her fingers in Sugar’s direction. “Hey, Motta, snap out of it.”

“Sorry, sorry, what were you saying?”

“Geez, Sugar, I’ve never seen you act this way about anybody. What is up with that?”

Sugar shrugged. “I dunno, ‘Cedes, I just like her a lot. And Rachel’s got her grabbing a book off the top shelf, and her ass is _per-fec-tion_.”

“Ok, so, now you’re making me regret I asked.” Mercedes said, having a taste of her soup, and turning off the stove.

“Did you invite Brittana to this thing or is it just the three of us?”

Mercedes pulled some wine from the fridge. “I figured I should invite them both. I mean, it is ‘girl’s game night’. And anyway, we invited Rachel and Jane who aren’t even Troubletones.”

“Well, I’m sure Jane would have been if she’d gotten the chance!” Sugar said, insulted.

“Would have been what?” Jane said, walking into the kitchen. She hugged Sugar from behind, who turned to kiss her on the cheek.

“Got sick of listening to Rachel talk about her one woman show?” Mercedes laughed.

“How’d you guess? I figured I’d get some sugar from my Sugar.”

Mercedes scoffed. “You two have to chill out with that.”

“I would have been what, Sugar?”

“Oh, this is good.” Sugar said, turning around on her stool, and facing Jane, wrapping her own arms around her. “We didn’t even let Rachel join the Troubletones while we were in high school.”

“Not for lack of trying!” Rachel whined as she walked into the kitchen. “I would have been absolutely phenomenal. An all girl glee club? It would have been a revelation!”

“And that’s exactly why we didn’t let you join. You would have taken over like you always do, and then we would have had to form another group to get away from you again.” Sugar said.

Rachel looked sad for a moment, and Mercedes felt a pang of regret. “But look at you now! Headlining tours all over the world, playing awards shows and showing up on tv. When’s that movie you’re in come out again?”

“March 28th.” Rachel said, excitedly.

“There you go.”

This seemed to satisfy her, so Mercedes turned back to Jane thoughtfully.

Jane gave her a quizzical look. “What, Mercedes?”

“I’m just trying to see. I mean, you have the Troubletones look-”

“You’re right about that, Mercedes. Girl would have killed it in those navy suits we wore during ‘Candy Man’. Actually, that would still be pretty hot, remind me to do some online searching tonight, babe.” Said Sugar, squeezing Jane’s butt and earning a startled laugh in response (and a small slap to the shoulder).

“And we know she can sing.” Mercedes continued, ignoring Sugar. “You know what? I think she would have made the squad.”

Sugar squealed and clapped her hands before taking Jane’s hand and kissing it. “See? I always know how to pick ‘em.”

Jane gave a small bow. “Thank you very much. Nice to know I would have been official.”

They all clapped for her, and she did a small twirl.

“Is this vegan, Mercedes? Cause, I think I see chicken in there.” Rachel was standing over the pot, stirring it.

“I’ve got made you some nice avocado toast, before you start complaining. I’ve got some of that cheese that you can eat melting on top.”

“Ooh.” she said, going to peek into the oven.

Mercedes checked her watch. “I wonder where Brittany and Santana are? They knew we started at 7.”

“They’re probably in an alley nearby making out or something. I’m sure that’s all they’ve been doing since they started going out again.” Sugar said.

“Actually, I’m not sure.”

“What do you mean, babe?”

“I was talking to Brittany yesterday, and Santana just kind of, I dunno, came up. I’d never heard her talk about her before, but since she’s been back in town, I guess the subject is back on the table.”

“And what did she say?” Rachel said, coming around the counter.

“She just said that she wanted to take it slow, you know? She was trying her hardest not to rush things. It would have been so easy for them to fall back into the same routines and patterns, but she wanted to make sure she was choosing the best thing for her, not just choosing to be comfortable.”

“That makes sense, I guess. I mean, I think they made each other the happiest, but they’ve also made each other the saddest.” Sugar agreed.

“What do you think? Do you think they should get back together?” Jane asked.

Sugar rolled her eyes. “Uh, doy. They’re made to be together. Brittana for life, bitches!”

“I don’t know, Sugar.” Mercedes said, scratching her chin thoughtfully. “If you’d asked me a month ago, I would have said I’m not sure. I still have some worries about the two of them. But, usually, it’s Brittany who’s the impulsive one, and does things that sound crazy on paper, but kind of end up working in the end. Still though, between you and me, Brittany has had a sadness in her eyes since she got here. You couldn’t see it all the time, but it was there. And now, I feel like it’s going away.”

“So, you think they’re going to make it? You think they’re better together?”

“That, I can’t say. They've been through a lot. I guess I'll leave it up to them to decide. Whatever they do we’ve gotta show them we love them.’

Everyone nodded at this.

Sugar slapped a hand on the counter. “See, this is why Mercedes was captain of the Troubletones, right there. Like, leadership, ladies.”

Suddenly the doorbell rang and Sugar was up, racing towards the door. “I got it!”

“Don't mind her.” Rachel said to Jane’s strange look. “She thinks it's Santana.”

Mercedes pulled down some wine glasses from the shelf. “Don't worry, Jane. She’s had a crush on that woman since high school. Just an old habit.”

“I wouldn't even call it a crush. It's more like a strange adoration.” Rachel offered.

“Anyway-” Mercedes continued. “She's way too invested in seeing Brittany and Santana work out to ever do anything about it.”

Jane laughed and waved them off. “It's fine, ladies. I think the one thing I don't have to worry about is Sugar’s wandering eye.”

Sugar stomped back into the kitchen. “It's Brittany.” She said a little disappointed.

“You don't have to sound so excited, Sugar.” Brittany strode in after her and kissed Mercedes on the cheek. “Holy hell, Jones, that smells delicious.”

“Yeah? I found the recipe online and decided to give it a try.”

“Well, let's break out the wine and get this party started!”

Mercedes laughed. “I'm working on it now. You all could help instead of standing around.”

With that (and a little salute from Brittany), everyone hopped to, setting the table, pouring the wine and helping Mercedes make the plates.

“Um, is Santana coming?” Brittany asked shyly as she stood next to Mercedes in the kitchen.

“Yeah, I invited her. I hope that's okay.”

“Of course! I mean, it's your thing. I just didn't want things to be weird.”

Mercedes turned towards Brittany and looked her in the eye. “How are things, Britt? Between the two of you? How are you feeling about everything?”

Brittany thought for a moment. “I'm still not sure, I guess? I mean, it's not like I have a deadline and I have to make a decision by tomorrow. I like spending time with her, I always have. But I am seeing Clark too.”

“Have you talked to him about all this?”

“He knows she's here. He knows we used to date. He knows that sometimes we hang out. I'm not trying to drag things out with him, I'm really not. He's such a great guy and I really like him  and I think he likes me. It's just… I dunno.”

“Sometimes you wonder if it's enough? Him liking you and you liking him, I mean.”

“Yeah. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm with him because he's safe. I guess I'm waiting on Santana to show me if she is.” Brittany sighed. “It doesn't seem very fair to Clark, though.”

“What does he say?”

“We don't really talk about it.”

Mercedes put her hand on Brittany's arm. “Maybe you should.”

They heard the front door opening and Santana’s voice bellowed down the hall.

“Clear your schedules, bitches, cause I scored us a miracle!”

Everyone went out to the foyer where Santana was shrugging her coat off with one hand and in the other held a huge bag.

“You were almost late for dinner, Santana.”

“Can it, Berry. Didn't you hear the thing about the miracle? What smells amazing?”

“I made chowder. If you get washed up and come to the table, you made it just in time to join us.”

“Yeah, sure, of course, I gotta show you this first.”

Santana finished slipping out of her coat (leaving it in a pile under the coat rack), and raced to the living room. Everyone followed and watched as she placed the bag on the table and rifled through the contents.

“What is it, Santana? Is it something for me?”

“What? No, Sugar, it's for game night. I know you guys usually play board games but I found this on Craigslist and I could not pass it up. Voila!”

“Holy crap, is that a Nintendo 64?” Jane squealed.

Santana nodded proudly. “Yep.”

“Oh my god, when was the last time we saw one of those? It's been since college!” Rachel said.

Mercedes smiled. “Oh man. Remember we used to take over my brother’s and play all night at glee club sleepovers? We’d literally be up until four in the morning.”

“Yep, and I even got the perfect game.” Santana said, reaching into the bag again.

“Mario Kart!” Brittany yelled, jumping up and down as she grabbed the cartridge out of Santana’s hand. “I kick ass at this game!”

“Yes! Remember we’d play and you'll always get Rachel with the blue shells? She'd be winning and you'd knock her out of first place.” Santana wiped an imaginary tear from her eye and sniffed. “It was magical.”

“Excuse me for not being as good at video games as I am at everything else, Santana.”

“Oh please, Rachel. Video games are one on a list of several thousand things you suck at. Not the least of which is accepting defeat gracefully.”

“She threw the last one out of the top floor of our dorms in junior year.” Sugar murmured to Jane.

“I still contend that I had no intention of throwing it, but it was Santana’s lunge at me that frightened me into dropping it.”

“Are you kidding me, Berry? As if I would have had any reason to lunge if you hadn't been waving it around near and open window.”

Brittany kissed Santana’s cheek. “Anyway, thanks Santana. This is going to be awesome.”

Santana got a sort of starry look on her face and nodded dreamily. “Uh, yeah, no problem, Britt. I just thought it would be fun.”

“Fun after dinner. Whatever Mercedes made smells way too good for me to wait until you settle this feud.”

They all agreed and headed to the kitchen.

\

It was almost past eleven when Santana took her first break from the game. She'd been showing Jane the ropes and rubbing Rachel’s face in how bad she was. To be honest, she was having fun. There was something comforting about Saturday night in with the girls, and to be honest, she loved hanging out with Kurt, Artie and Mike on the west coast, but there was something about being surrounded by ladies that cared about her that she missed. It didn’t hurt that Brittany had sat next to her, and had been in almost constant contact with her all night. An arm’s brush here, a leg touch there. She knew that she shouldn’t have been reveling in those things, but she couldn’t help it. It just felt nice to be near Brittany again.

They stopped to take a break to refill wine, get some snacks and go to the bathroom, and Santana stepped out onto Mercedes balcony for some fresh air. Her friend had done well for herself. She had a swanky pad on the 34th floor of a Manhattan highrise, with room to spare. The weather was cold, but the rain had moved away from the city. She took in a deep breath, and looked out onto the lights twinkling below.

“Hey.”

Santana’s eyebrow arched as she heard Brittany behind her. She tried not to be too obvious, but didn’t bother to hide her smile.

“Hey.”

“I just saw you out here, and thought it looked like a good idea. Also, Sugar and Jane are making out on the couch, so I figured I’d wait it out.”

Santana laughed. “Jane had too much wine.”

“Yeah, and Sugar didn’t have any at all. I don’t think she needs it.”

“We’ll give them a few minutes, and then bring out the hose, that’ll break ‘em up.”

Brittany grinned. “I’ve missed you. I mean, that. I mean-”

She stumbled over her words.

“I’ve missed you too, you know. That’s why I came here.”

“You picked a hell of a time.” Brittany took a deep breath.

“Yeah.”

There was a question that hung in the air, and Brittany was desperate to ask it. She just didn’t know how. Things had been so nice since the initial awkwardness had worn off. She could feel herself getting more and more comfortable. She could feel the old scars burn up and fly away under Santana’s delicate touch. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that if she didn’t ask now, if she didn’t upset their delicate balance, she’d never have a chance to find the answers that she wanted. She thought a moment more, and went for it.

“Why didn’t you come after me? Like right after I left? Santana, I waited and waited for you. I missed you so much, I’d cry myself to sleep at night. I called you, wrote you… It was like you didn’t care.”

Santana turned away and sighed as well. “Pride? You know that’s always been my problem. I leaned on you too much, and when you went I felt lost. Maybe all I needed was time. I’ve started seeing a therapist, and really trying to understand myself. I don’t know if I get it all myself. I said stuff that was awful because I got caught up in my emotions, but I didn’t mean them, Britt. I promise you that.”

“Really?” Brittany asked hopefully.

Santana took her hand and nodded furiously. “Yes. I never said this before because I was too ashamed, but I’m really sorry Brittany. The way I treated you, the way I treated us was fucking horrible, and I should never have treated someone I claim to love like that. I won’t ask for your forgiveness, but just know that I’m sorry.”

There was a long moment as they looked at each other. Santana could feel Brittany’s heartbeat where her hand was wrapped in two of Santana’s. The moved millimeters closer, but before either could react the balcony door slid open.

“Oh my god, you two, GET IN HERE. I’ve got a Mario Kart 64 guide ready on my phone, and I’m going to take you down, Pierce.” Rachel semi-slurred. They’d gone from wine to Amaretto, and Rachel couldn’t resist anything sweet and boozy for too long.

“Leave them alone, Rachel, they were about to get their mack on!” Sugar screamed from underneath Jane on the couch.

“We were not!” Santana said, brushing past Rachel and marching back into the living room. “We were just talking.”

“Super close with your tongues, maybe.” Sugar mumbled. “Ow!”

Santana walked by and flicked Sugar’s ear. “Shuddup, Motta, and get ready to get trashed.”

Brittany looked after her sadly for a moment, but shook herself, taking Rachel’s arm. “Let’s see what you’ve got, Rachel.


	12. February 12, 2017

February 12, 2017

Santana knew that at moments like this, the most logical thing would be to give Brittany space. She wasn’t being as strict with herself as she should have been, and the night before proved it. As much as she’d tried to deny it to herself, they’d almost kissed, and after the moment on the balcony, they’d spent the rest of the evening nearly cuddled up on the couch. They weren’t nearly as bad as Sugar and Jane, but Santana was sure she’d caught a couple of trademarked Mercedes-Jones-is-judging-you looks. 

She probably should have left Brittany alone. But the deadline her brain had decided on (Valentine’s Day), was fast approaching, and she didn’t want to be left without a plan. She’d crossed off most of the date ideas on her list, but there were a few left, and hopefully, they would be enough to really wow Brittany. That’s what she hoped anyway. 

So, she may have found herself pestering Jane for Brittany’s whereabouts, and then may have packed a lunch for her, and may have put on the expensive perfume that she got from Rachel in a package last Christmas, but she had to put in some kind of effort didn’t she? Jane’d told her that Brittany had a study group that met once a month in the library, and Santana made her way there to find her. Anyway, it was only to ask her if she had plans for Valentine’s Day, and nothing else. 

Right. 

The stacks at the campus library were pretty impressive. Santana had been to the campus many times considering Brittany had gone there throughout her school career (all the way up to her PhD). Sometimes, she’d find her there studying, and Santana would do just like she was doing that day: pack her a lunch, and go for a visit. More often than not they’d find a quiet nook and spend the rest of the “study session” making out. It wasn’t really good for Brittany’s productivity, so she made Santana stop visiting the second year of her grad studies. 

She walked in the familiar hallways, heading towards the door that the very helpful (and totally checking her out) librarian had directed her to. She knew that Brittany’s study thing wouldn’t last much longer, so she picked an empty study room nearby, taped a ‘do not disturb’ sign to the front, and unpacked the lunch. She’d even gotten one of those checkered tablecloths that you always saw in movies. She spread it out over the table and set the dishes she brought on top. 

She couldn’t wait until Brittany saw it.  She’d always picked that day to tell Brittany about her new job. The job meant stability, and it meant less of a chance of her disappearing at a moment’s notice. Of course, Santana had no intention of leaving, but she was still trying to figure out a way of convincing Brittany of that. She’d done well for herself in a week. First the apartment and now the job. She might have something to offer Brittany after all. 

When she was satisfied with the job she’d done, she turned on the electric candles (she hadn’t brought real ones because they were in a library and she wasn’t stupid), and went in search for Brittany. The classroom they were supposed to have been in was empty save for a few students on their way out. She recognized one from the musical performance the other day, and waved her over. 

“Hey, hi. I’m looking for Dr. Pierce. Is she around?”

The girl looked unsure for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah, um, we finished up a little early, and she had to go talk to some guy.”

“Some guy?”

“Yeah.” She gestured towards a closed door. “They’re in there. He didn’t look happy, but that’s none of my business.”

Santana thanked the girl, and went to the door. She could faintly hear Brittany’s voice behind the door as she approached, and suddenly she heard another voice. 

“Really, Brittany? I mean, what did you expect?” Said the voice in a measured calm that Santana found strangely unnerving. 

It was Clark. It had to be him. She’d only heard him say a few words, but who else could it be? She swallowed hard. Of course she shouldn’t be listening to this conversation. The best thing for her to do would have been to walk away. Let them figure out their problems on their own. It wasn’t her business. And yet… Her feet stayed glued to the floor. 

“Clark, I’m not saying that I don’t care about you. I’m just saying there are a lot of things happening right now and I just need you to  be patient.”

“I have been patient, Brittany. Do you think I don’t know that you two are out there together? I know you have friends in common. I know that you see each other. Don’t deny it.”

“I’m not denying anything!”

“Have you ever thought about what I want in all this? About what might be fair to me? I’m not a selfish person, Brittany, but I don’t like being made a fool of.” There was a moment where Santana was sure that she heard Clark’s voice crack, but he cleared his throat. “I really like you, Brittany. I think you’re an amazing person. You don’t deserve to be with a person who hurt you so badly. I know how she treated you, I know how she abandoned you. I can’t believe you would even consider giving her the time of day!”

The words hit Santana full on. How much had Brittany told him about what had happened between the two of them? She tasted bile in the back of her throat. She felt angry, but she mostly felt ashamed. Ashamed of what she’d done, and what she was still asking Brittany to do. Sure, she didn’t like Clark, but he was right. If someone treated one of her friends the way they were treating him, she would have kicked their ass. 

“It's not about you. It's not that simple, okay?” Brittany responded. 

“Well, why don't you explain it to me, Brittany?” 

His voice should have sounded angry, but to Santana, it just sounded sad. 

“Do you love her, Brittany?” Clark’s voice cut through again. 

There was a long silence, and Santana couldn’t listen anymore. Whatever Brittany said, she wasn’t sure. Maybe it was the distance, maybe it was how long she’d waited, but what if what they’d had couldn’t be repaired? What if all the fancy dates, and picnics, and musical numbers couldn’t solve it? What if Brittany broke up with Clark, and Santana still somehow let her down? She could feel herself spirling, and tried to take a few steadying breaths, but her breath kept coming out more and more shallow. 

Santana took a step back from the door right as it swung open, and she was face to face with Clark. His eyes were dark, and his face red. His eyes went wide, then his face relax, as if he’d been expecting her. 

“Of course it’s you. You’ll have to excuse me, Santana, I’m in no mood to play third wheel tonight. See you later, Brittany.”

He brushed past Santana, and she saw the look on Brittany’s face. She wasn’t in the mood to talk about this either, and for the first time in a long time, they were on the same page.

“Sorry, Britt, I’ve gotta go.” Santana turned and walked towards the classroom where she’d set up their lunch. 

To her surprise, as she gathered up dishes and dinnerware, Brittany was right behind her. 

“How much of that did you hear?”

“What?”

“C’mon, Santana, don’t act innocent with me. You didn’t just happen to walk up to the door when Clark was coming out.”

Santana sped up the packing, throwing caution to the wind, and not minding if packages were closed before throwing them into her bag. 

“Santana, Santana, stop.” 

Brittany walked in, and placed a gentle hand on Santana’s arm. It was light, but enough to bring Santana out of her spiral. She took a deep breath. 

“Do you love me, Brittany?”

Brittany cocked her head. “What kind of question is that?”

“It’s the same one he asked you. I didn’t hear you respond.”

“I thought we weren’t going to do this to each other, Santana.” Brittany rubbed her temples. 

“Do what? Ask questions that matter? Actually  _ talk _ about the things that are bothering us?”

“No! Make demands. Ask everything of the other person. Santana, you came back less than two weeks ago. If you expect me to know-”

“It’s not just about this” Santana said, gesturing between the two of them.  “It’s about what we could be. It’s about deciding if what happened is going to decide what’s next for us.”

“Santana, you apologized to me just last night! It takes time to process stuff like that. It’s not an on/off switch.”

“So, what did you tell Clark?”

“Tell him about what?”

“When he asked if you still loved me. What did you tell him?”

Brittany paused for another moment, and looked at Santana carefully. 

“I will always love you, Santana. That’s not the question.”

“Then what is the question?” Santana asked quietly. 

“The question is can I trust you. Can I trust you not to break my heart again?”

“And what do you think?”

“I  _ want _ to trust you. I really do. I think we’ve both established how much we missed each other. I didn’t just miss hanging out with you, Santana. I missed hanging out with you and everyone else. I missed making little jokes that only you heard, or hearing you bickering with Rachel, or doing impromptu duets with Mercedes. I missed living with you, and having you wake me up in the morning with kisses, and I just miss  _ you _ , Santana.”

_ But is it enough? _

The question hung in the air unsaid. They were both having the same doubts, the same questions. It was the one thing they couldn’t shake. Maybe it was too late. Maybe the damage was already done. 

Santana folded up the tablecloth, and placed it in her bag. 

“I just really wish…” She trailed off, and thought for a moment. “I just really wish I had come here when you asked me.”

Brittany nodded, her throat too tight with tears to do anything else. 

Santana put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a small shake. “I’ll be here, Britt. When you make up your mind.”

Brittany nodded again, and then Santana was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter. Excuse me while I tie up some loose ends. Until tomorrow!


	13. February 13, 2017

February 13, 2017

Mercedes and Sugar watched with concern as Santana pushed the salad around on her plate. They’d invited her out for a celebratory lunch on her first day at work (Sugar was paying), and went to the swankiest restaurant within walking distance of all of them. It wasn’t supposed to be a particularly happy affair, but they’d wanted at least for everyone to be in a good mood. 

Santana had gone back to Mercedes’ house the afternoon before in an especially bad mood. Mercedes had known that she was going to spend time with Brittany, and figured that the mood must have had something to do with that. She’d immediately called Sugar who had just gotten off the phone with Brittany. Apparently, Santana had stumbled onto her with Clark, and hadn’t taken it well. Sometimes she just wanted to take them by the shoulders and shake some sense into them, but she couldn’t live their lives for them. So, she didn’t ask. She hoped that Santana would see the light on her own. Or at least, trust Brittany to figure things out for the both of them. 

Now, in Le Petit Ecureuil (another one of Rachel’s suggestions), they sat in a morose silence, Mercedes and Sugar unsure of how to counsel Santana, and Santana not making any effort to make things less awkward. 

“Well-” Sugar started, clearing her throat. “I actually brought had something to talk about with you all.”

Mercedes turned to her interestedly and Santana kept stabbing at her salad. 

“Santana. Santana!” Mercedes bumped Santana with her shoulder to get her attention. 

“What? Huh? Sorry. What’s up?”

“Sugar was about to make an announcement” Mercedes said. 

“I’m all ears, Sugar.” Santana said, gamely, putting her fork down and leaning forward. 

“Well, you remember I was saying that I wanted to ask Jane to move in with me?”

“I am still a little annoyed that you told Santana before you told me, Sugar.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m sorry.  _ Anyway _ -” She continued. “I’ve decided that I’m going to tell her tomorrow night. I ended up getting my daddy’s yacht after all, and the crew is going to take us out of the harbor.”

Mercedes cheered. “That’s great, Sug! What do you think she’s going to say?”

“I dunno, really. I hope that she says yes, but I’m going to tell her there’s no pressure.”

“Well, that should be a great Valentine’s Day. I’m really happy for you, Sugar.” 

Mercedes bumped Santana again. 

“Oh, yeah, that’s awesome, Sugar.”

“Santana! I swear, you need to go ahead and spill, okay? Because we came here to have fun, and celebrate your new job, not watch you wallow in your salad. Now, if you’re not going to talk to us, you need to at least  _ pretend _ that you’re having a normal emotions right now.”

Santana sighed. “I’m sorry, guys.”

Mercedes and Sugar shared a nervous look. Santana almost never apologized. Mercedes had only snapped her  because she assumed that would come right back with an insult, and she’d be back to normal. If she was apologizing, and trying to explain herself, things were bad. 

Mercedes tried again. “No, I’m sorry, Santana. I really am, ok? I just wish you’d talk to us about it, instead of putting these walls up, you know? We want to help, we care about you, we always have.”

“I’m just trying to get through this day, and tomorrow, ok, ‘Cedes? I’ve just got to make it through and not make a fool of myself in front of my new coworkers, and I’ll be fine, ok?”

“Well, what about the next day? And the next day after that, huh? What about the week after or the week after that? We’re not like your west coast friends who are just going to drink with you all night, and not ask you how we can fix it? We’ve known you too long for that. We’re your Troubletones, Santana, you’ve got to learn to trust us.”

“Maybe I don’t want you trying to fix all my problems. Maybe I don’t want to have to come crawling back here after some major fuck up for you all to tell me how to behave like a normal human being?”

“We’re not trying to lecture you! We just want to help.”

“I know!” Santana raised her voice, but took a deep breath, and tried again. “I know, Mercedes, and I appreciate it. But at some point I have to learn how to solve my own screw ups.”

“Can’t you just tell us what happened?”

Santana shrugged. “A run of the mill Santana Lopez screw up?”

“It’s gotta be more than that.” Sugar offered. 

“Maybe, but I’m just overthinking it.” Santana stood up and put on her coat. “Look, thanks for lunch, I really appreciate it. I love you guys, you know that, right? I’m just in my head right now. I’ve got a lot on my mind. New job, moving out at the end of the week, it’s just a lot.”

Mercedes put a hand on Santana’s arm. “You don’t have to leave so soon, San. I told you. You can use my place as long as you like.” 

“I know, Mercedes, thanks. I just think getting into my own place will put me in the proper headspace.”

“I-I’m just worried about you, Santana. I don’t want you closing yourself off to your friends or isolating yourself. That’s what you do when the going gets rough sometimes, and we’re here because we love you and we want what’s best for you.”

“I know I’m not alone, Mercedes, I’ve got you guys. I’m going to be fine, ok?” She bent down and kissed Mercedes cheek, then turned and planted one on Sugar’s forehead. “Thanks for lunch. Love you guys. See you later.”

With that she was gone, and out the restaurant. 

“What are we going to do?” Sugar asked sadly.

“C’mon Sugar, we do what we always do. We meddle.”

“But she told us not to get involved, Mercedes.”

“Yeah, she’s always going to say that. Just like I’d say it if it were me, but she’s a Troubletone, and we’re not going to leave her out to dry.”

“So, we’re getting Brittana back together?”

“As if there was any doubt. I have an idea, but I’m going to need your help, and Jane’s too. Also, we might end up having to use your dad’s boat.”

“No problem. As long as you’re off by the time we want to start knocking boots, you’re welcome to it.”

“Ew, Sugar.”

Sugar shrugged. 

“Anyway, get Jane on the phone, and we’ll start making moves.”

Sugar clapped her hands. “It’ll be a Valentine’s Day miracle!”

\

“And since you’re not doing anything for Valentine’s Day, we figured it would be fun.”

“A boat, Sugar? Your dad’s boat? That seems rather romantic for you to be bringing a friend along.”

“What? No, no, it’s fine. We just don’t want you to be alone on the most love filled day of the year. Isn’t that right, Jane?”

Sugar nudged Jane whose lap she was mostly sitting on. 

Jane rolled her eyes. “Oh, yeah! It’s, um, totally fine. I wasn’t planning on having this one all to myself or anything.”

“What she  _ means _ , Britt, is that we don’t want you to be alone, and even though it might not be the most private Valentine’s Day we’ve ever had, if people are  _ cool  _ about it, they will get another night in the near future where they can try that new thing they’ve been dying to try since we watched that Dutch porno a few weeks back.”

Brittany grimaced. “We’re not talking about my thing anymore, are we? I really, really hope not.” 

“All, I’m saying is that Jane is on board. Right, Jane?”

Jane was a bit lost in a reverie (no doubt imagine Sugar bending over in some impossible position), and after a moment nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah! I’m in. Anyway, beyond my own selfish, but  _ super sexy _ reasons, we really don’t want you to be all alone.”

Brittany looked a bit unsure, so Sugar tried again. “There will be dancing, and music and, um, fondue!”

“Really?” Brittany’s eyes lit up. 

“Yeah, for sure.”

“I guess I can make an appearance then. How long before we shove off?”

“I’ll call you and set it all up later. Were you thinking of bringing anybody? Like, I don’t know a date or something?”

“Are you asking about me and Clark, Sugar?” Brittany raised an eyebrow. 

“You said his name, not me.”

“Well, as a matter of fact, no, I’m not bringing him. We actually had a long talk last night. I’m not sure what I want at the moment, and he was right, it wasn’t fair to leave him twisting in the wind. I did the right thing and broke up with him.”

Sugar tried her best to hide her smile. She failed miserably, so Jane stepped in. 

“I’m sorry, Britt. Even though he might have been the one for you, he’s a nice guy. How’d he take it?”

“Better than expected, actually. I mean, he was sad because of how things turned out, but he said he really liked me, and if I wanted to get together again, even as friends, he’d like that.”

“I never got how you managed to stay friends with your exes, Brittany.”

“Well, Sugar, it’s as easy as not razing the ground as you make your way out the door.”

Sugar shrugged. “I’m not familiar with that method.”

“Anyway-” Brittany sighed. “I’m going to miss him a little. He was a really awesome guy. And the sex was incredible-”

“And that’s enough for me, thanks.” Jane interrupted. 

“I dunno, I could stand to hear a little more.”

“Does that mean you’re considering Santana?” Jane broke in before Brittany could respond. 

“Santana is just this constant, you know? It’s like I’m always considering her. But, it’s not a contest, where Clark drops out, and Santana automatically fills in. We’ve both been through a lot. I just want to figure things out with her.”

“I get it.”

“Welp.” Sugar got up from Jane’s lap. “I’ve got arrangements to make and whatnot. I’ll see you tomorrow, Britt, and see you later, my love.”

She kissed Jane fully on the lips, and shivered as she stood tall. “Man, I will never get tired of that.”

They both waved at Sugar’s retreating form. 

“Ok, Hayward. What does your girlfriend have planned?” Brittany said, turning on her assistant. 

“What? I don’t know! She just told me she wanted to invite you, that’s all.”

“And she’s got nothing up her sleeve?”

“Sugar? Really, Britt? I love Sugar, but does she seem like the type of person with a plan?”

Brittany smirked. “Well, well, well. Using the “L” word already, huh?”

Jane smacked a hand over her mouth. “Oh, my god. I’d only said that to my hairdresser before.”

“Are you sure you should have told your hairdresser before you told your girlfriend?”

“Well, I’m waiting on the right moment? I don’t want to spring it on her.”

“I don’t think that’s possible, Jane. Anyway, I won’t say anything, if you tell me what she’s up to.”

“Nothing, I promise! Well, nothing as far as I know. I swear, Brittany.”

“I’m kidding, Jane.” Brittany put an arm around her and gave a squeeze. “I wouldn’t tell her regardless. I just hope you’ll tell her soon. She really likes you.”

“As much as Santana likes you?” Jane said, slyly. 

“Oh, no, don’t get me started on that again.” Brittany said with a grin. 

“C’mon, Britt-”

“I already said I’d got to Sugar’s boat for Valentine’s Day. I feel like I’ve done my part.”

“Fine. I won’t badger you about it.”

“Thank you very much.”

Jane smiled as Brittany went back into her office. 


	14. February 14, 2017

February 14, 2017

“I’m not going.”

“Santana-”

“Mercedes, it’s Valentine’s Day. I may have just broken up with the love of my life, and you want me to spend it with you and Sugar and  _ her girlfriend _ on a boat? Yeah, I’m going to give that a pass.”

“Well, Rachel will be there too.”

“Hard pass.”

As she sat on the phone in her new office, Santana was doing her best to keep her cool. Between trainings, meetings and getting her email set up, she’d finally been able to think about something other than the disappointment in Brittany’s eyes in the library two nights before. It was working, just barely. But Valentine’s Day was upon her, and every day there were flower deliveries, cupcakes and boxes of chocolates filling her office. Every time Santana saw a stuffed bear holding a heart, she wanted to rip it’s head off. 

And now Mercedes was calling to in an attempt to drag her out of the house, and she couldn’t think of anything else that she would like to do less. 

“What are you going to do, then?”

“I’m going to pick up some ice cream on the way home, curl up under the covers, and watch Golden Girls on Hulu.”

“Santana, do I ever ask you for anything?”

Santana tried to make the pause she took to roll her eyes a little less noticeable. “No, Mercedes, you don’t.”

“So, can you do me this little favor, please?”

To be honest, Mercedes asked her for stuff all the time, but saying that would lead to an even bigger guilt trip that would make Santana’s own mother uncomfortable. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to spend time with Mercedes and Sugar, but today of all days… Santana scrambled to try and come up with an excuse that might work, when Mercedes interrupted her thoughts. 

“Are you there, Santana?”

Dammit. She was screwed. 

“Yeah, Mercedes, I’m here. I’ll come along. But Sugar and Jane start humping on the couch, or Rachel decides to turn things into an impromptu musical performance, I am so out of there.”

“Great!” Santana could hear Mercedes’ smile through the phone. “We’ll leave from my place, so just come right home after work and we’ll leave from here.”

“Fine.” Santana tried to take the whine out of her voice, but Mercedes was satisfied. 

“Ok, see you then.”

“See you, Mercedes.”

Santana hung up the phone and sat back in chair with a sigh. As much as she’d tried to spend the last two days not thinking about Brittany, it was easier said than done. It wasn’t really a matter of trying to figure out where she and Brittany went wrong. That was a Gordian knot that she couldn’t even begin to untangle. There were so many broken promises and harsh words. Maybe it was a matter of talking it out or maybe it couldn’t ever be solved. 

Santana picked up her cell phone, and scrolled down to Brittany’s name. She opened a blank text and sat for a moment watching the cursor blink back at her. 

_ You were right, I was wrong. I can’t ever make up how I let you down and I- _

Santana couldn’t continue. There was too much to say than she could say in a text message. But sometimes she felt like she was all talked out. . Her thumb hovered over the keyboard. If she were smart, she’d delete the whole thing, and go do some work. She could do a couple of rounds in the office, start introducing herself to people, and munch on an one of those fruit baskets where the fruit is cut into shapes for you. But there were so many things that she wanted to say to Brittany. She wanted to tell her everything, but she wasn’t sure where to start. 

She deleted the message and tried again. 

_ I’m sorry. _

She deleted that almost immediately. She had stuff to be sorry for, sure, but what would more apologies do? She typed another short message.

_ Happy Valentine’s Day _

She took a deep breath and pressed send. She put her phone on silent, and stood up from her desk. Then, thinking better of it, she opened her desk drawer and stuck the phone in, slamming the drawer closed. 

“Whoa, Lopez, getting fed up with the rat race already?”

One of her colleagues, Bridget peeked into her office with a grin. 

“Yeah, no, sorry. I’m good, where are you off to?”

“Word is Penny in HR got a box of chocolates from an ex and she’s sharing, so, you want to get over there before all the ones with coconut inside are gone?”

“Ew, gross, coconut?”

“More for me, then.” Bridget laughed, but she soon became serious. “Is everything okay, Santana?” 

Santana wasn't one to open up on a whim. Bridget was nice enough and had volunteered to show her around the office but she wasn't sure she wanted to tell everything about her relationship with Brittany to a virtual stranger. 

She shook her head. “I'm fine. Just still getting used to being back in the 9 to 5, you know?” 

“Yeah, I hear that.” Bridget said agreeably. “You want to go snack your troubles away?” 

Santana heard a rumbling from her desk and stood up quickly, plastering on a fake smile for effect. “You know what? I'm actually going to go out for a late lunch. See what grazing options we’ve got around here.” 

Bridget didn’t look convinced by the smile, but knew enough not to ask too many question. She returned a more authentic smile of her own, and turned towards the door.

“Well, have fun, Santana. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Santana’s smile slipped a little, and she reattached it tightly. “Thanks.”

Bridget was out the door, and Santana slipped on her coat, and grabbed her wallet, stuffing in it in her pocket. Her desk rumbled again, but she ignored it, sending one last glance towards the drawer that held her phone, before shaking herself, and heading out the door. 

\

Classes were over for the day, but it had mostly been a waste. For all of her precautions, Brittany’s classes kept getting interrupted by singing telegrams, candygrams and balloon-a-grams, or whatever else proclamations of love her students could come up with. It had been difficult to ignore at first, but as the day wore on, each of the interruptions reminded her more and more of her single condition, and made her more and more surly. Finally, after Jane had left after lunch (to pretty herself up for date night with Sugar), Brittany couldn’t take it anymore, and emailed her students telling them class was cancelled for the day. She got on her bike thinking she’d head home, the day was unseasonably warm so she took a left when she’d normally would have made a right, and headed into Central Park. 

The sun shining down on her shoulders, and the wind at her back as she watched parents push their kids around the park perked her up a little. She tried to ignore the couples nuzzling on benches, and smiling teens holding bunches of red, heart shaped balloons. 

Being unsure about Santana was a feeling she wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to. It wasn’t something that she had to grapple with much before. From the time they first met, they’d barely spent any time apart. When they were in high school together, Santana was her refuge and her best friend. When Santana had finally come out and accepted herself, Brittany had been right there, standing proud. And when Santana had finally had the courage to tell Brittany that she loved her, Brittany was ready again to show the feelings she’d always felt. All of those moments, all of those memories came crashing over here. She thought she’d done a good job repressing them, but she lived them in a million new ways every day. 

Brittany sighed, getting off the bike and walking it over a hill. She had just reached the top of the rise when her breath was caught in her throat. The jet black hair, the smooth, pale russet skin, the strong, supple legs poking out from underneath a navy pencil skirt. 

It was Santana. 

Brittany had to laugh at herself. Of all the parks, in all the city, of course ( _ of course _ ) she would bump into Santana. She could be in Antarctica, and she’d run into Santana there; her nose rosy from the cold, offering her a big warm cup of hot chocolate. Yet, there she was. Her former fiancee, her former girlfriend, her former  _ everything _ , sitting on a bench, looking like she didn’t have a care in the world. Brittany hesitated a moment, not sure if she should approach. Suddenly, the decision was made for her, and almost as though pulled by magic, Santana’s eyes met hers. 

Brittany was seized by a momentary panic. Should she run? Slowly back away? Fall down and pretend to be a rock? Her mind was made up for her again when she saw the small smile on Santana’s face. She began to walk forward. 

Brittany approached slowly, not sure if we was a welcome sight. She waved as she got closer, and saw Santana waved in return. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

The echoes of the children playing nearby swirled around them. Brittany gestured to the bench. 

“Mind if I sit down?”

“Of course not.”

Brittany sat and there was a moment of silence. Only, it wasn’t uncomfortable. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but there was a familiarity in it. It was something that she missed. She sighed. 

“What’s wrong?” Santana asked, not turning to face her. 

“I, um, I broke up with Clark.”

“Hm.” 

It was a little sound, and to anyone else it would have been a completely neutral one. But Brittany knew better. 

“I supposed I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“And why’s that?” Santana still didn’t turn. 

“I guess- Well, I guess I don’t want you to think I expect anything.”

“Expect anything? Like what?”

Brittany sighed again. “I don’t know, some grand pronouncement. Some declaration of love, or remorse or whatever. I don’t think we’re about that anymore.”

“We’re not?” 

There was a bit of a grin in Santana’s voice, but Brittany pressed on. 

“No. I mean, we’re older and wiser now, I guess. At least I should hope so.”

“Well, we’re definitely older.”

“Yep.”

The moment hung on a bit longer, and Santana cleared her throat. 

“Sugar convince you to go on her dad’s boat tonight?”

Brittany laughed. “How did you know?”

“Because Mercedes did the same thing to me. Only she guilted me into it.”

“Sugar might have mentioned fondue.”

This elicited an actual laugh from Santana who glanced at Brittany out of the corner of her eye. 

“Your only weakness.”

“I imagine it’s all a part of some cockamamie scheme to get us out in the harbor, stuck out there until we resolve our differences.” 

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“But, for some reason, I don’t think it’ll work.”

This time Brittany turned, more than a little shocked. “What do you mean? Do you think-?”

She let her voice trail off. Too afraid to finish the thought. There were implications in Santana’s words that she didn’t want to think about.

“I just mean-” Santana started, almost as if she were reading Brittany’s mind. “I think we need more than a long conversation trapped on Al Motta’s boat to figure all this out. But, I’m willing to try if you are.”

The panic in Brittany’s mind seemed to dissipate as quickly as it gathered, and she nodded slowly. 

“It’s just-” Brittany continued after a while. “It’s just that for the first time in a long time. I don’t know what I want.” 

Santana let the statement settle. She felt the stress, uncertainty and fear that had clouded her judgement the past few weeks fade away. Of course, it would have been perfect if Brittany had jumped into her arms, covering her with kisses, and begging to be with her forever, but this was something different altogether, but no less welcome. This was someone who could be truly happy again, and that’s all that Santana could ask for. 

She smiled, patting Brittany’s leg gently. “That’s okay, Britt. I’m just glad to be here with you.”

Brittany put a hand on top of Santana’s, relishing the touch for a moment longer. 

\

“Heard anything yet, Sug?”

“Nope, but I know Brittana. If they were coming, they’d have been here already.”

Mercedes and Sugar stood up on the bow of a gorgeous boat, gazing out on harbor, where lights shined onto the water, dancing with the waves. The last tendrils of sunlight had faded away, and though the stars weren’t visible, the sky was crisp and clear. The last of winter was still holding on, but spring was on it’s way, and the world was still turning. 

Mercedes pulled her shawl a bit closer around her shoulders. “What do you think?” 

“I think we should shove off. I’ve got a special gift for Jane, and I’m kind of nervous in giving it to her.”

“It’s not that bright pink dildo you had delivered to my house, was it?”

Sugar laughed. “Well, that’s part of it, but I couldn’t send it to my house, could I? She would have seen it and asked about it.”

“Okay, but you also put my name on it, and I opened it! I could have had a heart attack.”

“I put your name on it because we’re at your house all the time too, and if it’d had my name on it, it would have been even more suspicious. Anyway, don’t act like you’ve never seen one of those before.” Sugar said, waggling her eyebrows. 

“I don’t see how that’s any-” Mercedes rolled her eyes. “Anyway, if it’s not that, then what is it?”

Sugar dug around in her pocket for a moment, bringing out a small white box. She opened it with a flourish and presented it to Mercedes, who looked inside curiously. 

“It’s a key.”

“Well, yeah, it’s my key. My house key. I’m asking her to move in with me.” Sugar grinned. 

“Oh wow, that’s terrific, Sugar! It’s kind of a big step. Have you ever lived with anyone before?”

“Nah, but we practically live together now. I’m either at her place or she’s at mine. I don’t really know if she’ll want to live in my building, but we can always get something in between our places. For some reason, she loves living out in Brooklyn. It’s just a gesture, you know? Like, ‘hi, I’m awkward, and weird, but I’ve also never felt like this about anyone before, and I really like you.’”

“That’s really nice. I’m actually surprised you didn’t give her something extravagant, like a pony or something.”

“Jane doesn’t like horses. I mean, she doesn’t not like them, but she says there’s something about their faces that she doesn’t quite trust. Anyway, she’s told me a million times she’s not interested in her own private helicopter, or a gold plated guitar, or a orca named for her. It’s not about the money, it’s, like, about the thought behind it.”

“That’s a very profound realization you’re making there, Sugar.”

“Yeah, it’s super weird. But, I guess she’s worth it.” 

Mercedes watched the wistful smile on Sugar’s face for a moment, and couldn’t help the one that crept onto her own. Things weren’t perfect with her Troubletones, but they were getting better everyday, and she was happy for that. 

Suddenly, there was a commotion behind them, and they turned to see Jane stumbling up the steps. Sugar fumbled with the box for a moment, shoving it into her purse, and attempting to look as nonchalant as possible. 

“What are you two doing up here? It’s cold.” Jane approached, and wrapped her arms around Sugar. 

Sugar melted into the embrace, and snuggled a bit against Jane’s shoulder. 

“Sugar was just saying that she’s pretty sure that Brittany and Santana will not be joining us.” Mercedes said.

“Oh no. Wait, what do you think that means?”

“I’m not really sure, honestly.”

Just then Mercedes’ phone rang, with Sugar’s going a moment later, and then another loud ringing from in the hold. 

Curious, Mercedes pulled her phone out of her pocket. 

“It’s from Brittany.”

“Yeah, I know, I got the same thing.” Jane said, studying her phone. 

There was a crash as the door as Rachel clambered up from below decks. “Did you guys SEE this text from Brittany?”

A mile spread slowly across Mercedes face as she studied the picture message. It was a selfie with Brittany and Santana smiling over a pizza placed on a checkered tablecloth with text that read:

_ Thanks for the invite, but we’d rather skip the boat ride for now. See you guys later. P.S. -- Santana says hi.  _

“I guess that means they’re not coming.”

“Well, yeah, Sugar, but they’re together. That’s what we wanted, right?” Mercedes said, good naturedly. 

“I guess.” Sugar pouted. “But, I was kind of looking forward to having everybody here on the boat tonight.”

“Don’t you have something you wanted to give to Jane anyway? I thought you were getting antsy.”

This piqued Jane’s interest, and she dislodged herself from Sugar, looking at her square on. “What did you get me?”

“Um, nothing! I mean, something. But, I mean, anyway, we’d better head off, I’ll let the captain know. Captain Davies? Um, Captain Davies?”

Sugar scurried downstairs and with a laugh, they all followed. 


	15. February 14, 2018

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One year later...

February 14, 2018

Santana was suddenly struck by the weirdest feeling that she’d experienced this scene before.

She was laying on the couch in her apartment, Brittany sitting on the other end speaking Spanish with a rapidity that even made it hard for Santana to keep up. She’d wedged her feet under Brittany’s butt, to keep them warm, and was doing a crossword puzzle. Even though it was Valentine’s Day, it was still a weekday, she and Brittany had both decided that they’d just have a quiet dinner at a restaurant Mercedes had suggested. Of course, she’d gotten a gift for Brittany, hidden in her desk drawer, but they’d probably just eat, get home and fall asleep in front of Netflix. 

Ah, the life of two grandmas. 

Brittany covered the phone with her hand, giving Santana her attention. “Your mother wants to know when we are bringing a baby home for the holidays and I asked her if Ash counted and she’s been fussing at me for the past eight and a half minutes.”

Santana laughed. “You sister is not a baby, and I don’t think she’d appreciate the implication, Britt. Anyway, the last time she was complaining that we were ‘living in sin’ and should rectify that situation immediately, so she should really make up her mind.”

“Yeah, I’m going to tell her that so she can come down here and force us into a church at gunpoint.” She went back to the phone for a moment. “Pero, pero Mami- And she’s off again.”

“Just tell her we’re working on it and get off the phone. We need to catch up on Game of Thrones before I get spoiled by some random Buzzfeed quiz.” 

“Okay, in the meantime, go get dressed. I don’t want us to be late for dinner.”

“Why do I have to go now? My feet are just finally getting warmed up and you’re still on the phone.”

“Because, my love,” Brittany said, scooting for ward on the couch so she could reach Santana’s hand and bring it to her lips. “You take twice as long as me to get ready, and I already have my outfit picked out. Now, skedaddle.”

Santana dodged a soft swat and with a laugh headed towards the bedroom. She listened to Brittany’s side of the conversation from the bedroom, and couldn’t help but smile. As a teenager, Santana had spent most of her time smiling and nodding whenever her mother went on one of her rants, but somehow Brittany knew just the thing to say to get her to come around to their way of thinking. It wasn’t always easy, but it generally worked. Which was why Santana’s mother had called Brittany instead of calling her daughter. Santana didn’t mind, though, her mother were far too alike to keep their disagreements civil, and so alike that they both adored Brittany. 

An hour later, Brittany had finally gotten off the phone with her mother in law, and they were both showered, perfumed and ready for a nice, quiet Valentine’s Day dinner. The Uber Brittany called right outside the brownstone, and were on their way. Santana was caught up in a story about the new weird guy at work and suddenly looked around and realized she recognized the neighborhood. 

“I thought the restaurant was in Queens?” Santana said, looking carefully out the window. “We’re in Flatbush.”

Brittany looked up from where she was playing with Santana’s fingers in  her lap, her mouth a little ‘o’ of surprise. 

“Oh yeah? Hm.”

Santana turned, wrinkling her brow. “What’s going on here, Pierce?”

Brittany seemed to consider doing her ‘Who, Me?’ face, but after a moment, thought better of it. “It’s a surprise. For you. And kind of for me, I guess.”

“I thought we were going to Queens, and that place that Mercedes suggested?” 

“Well, yeah. I considered that, but then I came up with a plan B. Don’t worry, I know you’ll love it.”

“It’s not that, Britt. I just told Mercedes we’d tell her all about this place and how much we love it during game night.”

“We’ll go another night, trust me, this will totally be worth it.”

“Just spending Valentine’s Day with you is enough, honey.” Santana said, leaning over and planting a soft kiss on Brittany’s lips. 

“Mmmm.”

Brittany pulled Santana closer with a laugh, but they came to a stop, and Santana gently guided her out of the backseat. Santana turned with a small gasp. 

“This is our apartment!” She said, looking up at the building. 

Brittany took Santana’s hand and lead her up the steps, reaching into a pocket with her free hand, pulling out a bundle of keys. “No, hun, we live in Manhattan.”

Santana gave Brittany a playful smack on the arm. “You know what I mean. The place we shared with Kurt and Rachel. When was the last time we were here? Ten years ago? Twelve?”

“Something like that. It has been a while.”

Brittany pulled Santana through the brightly lit landing and up the steps to the third floor. She unlocked the door, and gestured the way with a flourish. 

“After you, m’lady.”

Santana laughed and went into the apartment, letting her eyes adjust to the low light. There were candles everywhere, including all over a table near the window. Suddenly, there was a tinkling of a piano. After a moment, she recognized the piano player. 

“Brad?! Is that really him?”

“Yep. He owes me a favor.”

Brad nodded to the two of them, and continued playing. 

“I got us some dinner.” Brittany walked towards the table, pulling out the chair for Santana who sat down, still looking around in awe. 

“How’d you plan all this? And I had no idea? Britt, this is amazing!”

Brittany went around the table and sat herself, chuckling. “It wasn’t easy. Mercedes and Jane had to run interference for me. But, I thought it would be nice to surprise you.”

“This is amazing, Brittany.”

Brittany gave Santana a little nod. She uncovered two plates, and they began to eat, chatting about their days and plans for the upcoming weekend. After a nice dessert, and another glass of wine, Brittany cleared her throat significantly. 

“What’s up, babe?” Santana asked, concerned. 

Brittany took a breath, and then signaled to Brad, who change songs mid-stream, and began playing something more familiar to Santana.  _ Songbird _ by Fleetwood Mac. 

Before Santana could get out another question, Brittany was in front of her, and then on one knee, holding up a velvety box. 

“Santana, a year ago we stood in front of each other not knowing what to say. For the first time in my life I wasn’t sure if we were going to make it. But, I should have known; we were always going to make it. No matter what we go through, no matter the changes in our lives, we will always be Brittany and Santana, and I never should have doubted that for a second. I love you, Santana and I never want to be without you. Will you marry me?”

Santana’s eyes welled with tears, and she sank to the floor with Brittany, wrapping her up in her arms. They stayed like that for a moment as Santana rocked them back and forth, and Brittany cleared her throat. 

“I take it that’s a yes?”

Santana nodded, taking the ring and slipping it onto her finger. “That’s a yes.” She said, through her tears. “I love you, too.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Santana.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Britt.”


End file.
